I'm Nathan. I'm eight.

I'm Nathan. I'm eight. I live with my mom and dad in a village. There's no school around, so Mommy teaches me at home. Mommy says it's not worth it driving me to school. I'm sorry that I've got no friends here.

Mommy's ill so she can't work. She stays with me all day long. She takes vitamins so she won't have nightmares. Daddy says there are ghosts in our attic and Mommy's scared of them. He told me to never go there.

Daddy works a lot. He drives a big car. I would like to see Daddy's car someday, but I can't go outside. Once, I opened the front door for a postman. Daddy was very angry. He beat me with a belt so hard that it hurt when I sat. I cried a lot. Mommy said I mustn't go out anymore or Daddy will be mad.
I learn with Mommy every day. Sometimes a lady in a suit visits us. She asks my mom what new things I've learnt. Mommy always talks me up. She says I'm good at sports and that I can play football, but that's not true. Every time the lady in a suit visits us, Mommy calls me Tom. It's my nickname. Mommy and Daddy call me Tom every time we have a visitor. I'm Nathan only when I'm alone with them. I like both my names.

I like to learn geography. I wonder what the world outside looks like. I'd like to visit villages where people speak different languages. Mommy says our village is so small it's not on the map. For Christmas, I want a lighted globe. Daddy says boys need to do sports so he teaches me how to play football. I'm not too good at it but I try my best. For my dad.

For Christmas, I made a necklace for Mommy and a painting for Daddy. I hid both gifts in my suitcase under my bed. I store all my important things in there. Mommy and Daddy buy gifts too. I saw Daddy hiding a black bag in an old dresser. There must be hidden gifts in there.

When Daddy's at home Mommy doesn't talk much. Most of the day she cooks. Daddy likes to use his camera. He takes pictures of me playing football. Sometimes Daddy gives me some old sportswear and takes pictures of me wearing it. I guess it's clothing Daddy used to wear as a boy. I don't really like it. But Daddy likes to photograph me like that. He hides all photos in a box in his secret closet.

Sometimes I wish I could go to school like other kids. My parents buy me lots of toys but I'd rather have some friends. Mommy says there are no other children in our village. Sometimes it makes me sad.
I'm so looking forward to Christmas that I can't even sleep. I wish I knew what gifts Daddy hid in the dresser. I'm going to take a look in there.

There's a lot of stuff in the black bag. I rummaged through it and felt something round. Could that be my lighted globe? No, it's just a football. A pretty old one. It's beat up and dirty with mud. I think it's not a gift for me. I keep on rummaging. I pull out some piece of cloth. It's a football jersey. There's Tom written on its back. I'm glad I'm gonna get a football jersey, but I'd prefer the globe... My hands are all dirty and dusty. Wait, these are not my gifts! Dusty cars, torn children books... it's all trash!

It's Christmas holiday today! I looked out of the window and it's snowing. I got mom to go in the garden with me to build a snowman. Daddy came home from work early so we are all outside. He's taking pictures of me building the snowman.

Mommy is baking Christmas cookies in the kitchen. Daddy gave me a reindeer sweater and took some photos of me decorating the Christmas tree. I'm happy we are all together. Daddy browses through the photos he made today and hides them in his secret closet.

Mommy looks sad. She's not talking again. She didn't even give me a good-night kiss. She gave me a hard time about going through Daddy's stuff in the dresser. She said she won't tell on me, but next time Daddy might be very mad. I said I'm sorry. I'll never open the dresser again. I asked mom to give me the photo of the snowman but she yelled at me that she's not in the mood. I think she needs her vitamins. She sleeps a lot and cries less when she takes her vitamins. But I want that photo so much! I'll take it once Daddy and Mommy go to sleep.

It's nighttime. I'm going to the living-room and open Daddy's secret closet. I climb the shelves and open the box. I take few photos from the top but can't see the one with the snowman. I keep on searching. Suddenly my foot slips and me and the box are falling down. Oh no! All the photos are scattered on the floor! I pick them all up when I notice one I've never seen before. The photo is all yellowed and wrinkled. Mommy and Daddy are hugging some boy. Their hair look funny. Mommy's got longer hair and Daddy's got more of them. They are in the garden. The boy has a football in his hands and wears the same football jersey I found in the dresser. He looks like me but is a little taller. He has hair cut in the same way Mommy cuts mine. I have no idea what that photo means but I'm taking it. I'll hide it in my suitcase under my bed.

I think about the boy in the photo. It could've been a friend of mine.

It's Christmas Eve. Mommy and I are baking the Christmas cookies. Daddy's sleeping on a couch. I asked mom if I've ever had a friend named Tom. She doesn't want to talk about it. I tell her I found his football jersey. Mommy says there's never been any Tom in this house. I don't understand. I tell her I saw the boy. She doesn't believe me. I ask her to promise not to tell on me and I show her the photo I found in Daddy's secret closet. Mommy looks at the photo and shakes her head. She says she doesn't recall any boy like him. How come she does not remember? Mommy takes the photo from me and leaves. I'm afraid she's mad at me.

Mommy's not talking to me all day. I think she's angry. It's better if I stay in my room, looking out of the window at the snow falling. I'll rather be a good boy for the rest of the day, the goodest boy in the world.
I can hear voices from the kitchen. Daddy's up. He talks to mom but they are whispering so I can't understand a thing. I'm really scared Mommy's going to tell on me that I took the old photo from Daddy's closet. And here it comes. Daddy's storming up the stairs. I'm hiding under my bed, shivering with fear. The door flies open and Daddy reaches out for me under the bed. I'm screaming even before he touches me. He takes my pants off and hits me with all his strength. I'm screaming for help, but no one is going to save me. Mommy won't help me. I was a bad boy. I deserve a punishment. But I just wanted the photo with the snowman.

Daddy drags me along the floor to a wardrobe. He opens it and locks me inside. He yells at me that if I don't know how to behave I'll spend Christmas Eve in the wardrobe. I'm so scared of darkness. I'm crying so much I almost can't breathe. I'm wiping my snot on a coat hanging in the wardrobe. I'm begging for Daddy to let me out of there.

The whole house is quiet. Mommy and Daddy might be sleeping already. They'll probably let me sleep in the wardrobe tonight. And I bet I'm not going to get my gifts. But I don't mind that. If only they loved me and were nice to me again!

Mommy lets me out of the wardrobe in the morning, not saying anything. I'm scared of going downstairs to breakfast. I'm scared I'll bump into Daddy. He might be still mad. I'd rather stay hungry.

I can hear my parents talking in the kitchen. I crawl back under my bed and turn my pocket flashlight on. I'm hiding there all day, crying. I don't even want to watch the snow falling. I wonder how long they can be mad at me. I would be so happy if they were kind to me again! I'd do whatever Daddy wishes. Play football, wear his old clothes, whatever.

My belly hurts from hunger. I'm crawling out from under the bed. It's almost night. Through the keyhole, I can see light in the hallway, but then it disappears again. There's Daddy's eye in the keyhole. He's watching me. I'm really frightened. I'm turning away but I can still feel that he's staring at me. Daddy shouts: "Play!" I obey him. I pick up a car, pretending I'm playing with it. I start singing out loud but inside I want to cry. I peek at the keyhole after a while. He's gone.

I'm crawling back under my bed cause I feel safer there. I hide my pocket flashlight in my underpants so that I can have it with me if Daddy locks me in the wardrobe again. I wonder why Mommy didn't save me when Daddy beat me.

Mommy and Daddy are whispering in the hallway. I wonder what they are planning. I'm watching them through the keyhole. Mommy opens the attic stairs. I'm surprised. She said there were ghosts in the attic and she's scared of them.

Daddy enters my bedroom. I'm frightened so I step back. He's standing in the door telling me to go with him. I don't want to. He's looking at me angrily. Mommy calls me: "Come to me, Nathan. Don't worry. Everything's alright." I hesitate, but then I slowly walk towards her. I believe Mommy wouldn't hurt me. She takes my hand and goes in the attic with me. I can see she's not scared of ghosts so I'm not scared either. Daddy's going behind us.

It's dark and something smells terribly in the attic. But there are no ghosts. Mommy kisses me on the forehead and lets go of my hand. I'm frightened she's leaving me there alone. I turn back, when suddenly Daddy drags a plastic bag over my head. I'm trying to fight but he's holding me tight, wrapping a tape around my whole body. Mommy! Help!

Daddy throws me into a packing crate and closes it. I can hear hammering. I'd cry but I can't even take a breath. I'm trying to rip the bag with my nail - thank God, air! I reach out for the pocket flashlight in my underpants. I'm looking around. There's a cat carrier in here. I look inside and I scream in terror. There's a twisted dead body of a small child. What's that?! Could that...?! Tom, is that you? What have they done to you? Daddy must've beaten you too! And then, they locked you in this crate, just like they locked me!

I shouldn't have believed my mom. I shouldn't have told her about the photo.