"In the waiting room of my mind." By Ben Goode 2019 (c)

I was so afraid as I laid there, awaiting an operation.
Really afraid, and I couldn't stop my tears anymore.
So much for my Spock like stoniness. 
My emotions were now as erratic as a storm. 
Scared. Scared that, when I immersed into inevitable unconsciousness,
that I wouldn't wake up again.
I had remembered the nothingness that I had experienced before.
What had been complete and utter lost time.

Counting down as the mask went on.
"Deep breaths. It's okay. It's going to be okay..."
Looking up at the ceiling, I could feel myself slipping away.
But somehow, there was a small spark that held on.
Perhaps my fear was defying what I thought felt like death.
But it could be.

Death? Have you found me?
Here, hiding away behind my mortality.
Is it my time? So soon?
I don't want to go. Not now.

My vision blurred, as tears streamed down my face.
I was definitely shutting down like a computer.
"Please only sleep mode!" I begged in my mind.
Perhaps a silent prayer. I did have faith still.
Somehow.
And I hoped it was enough.
"Please just not that darkness again!"

My mind held on, as I shut my eyes, and I landed in a dream.
Thankful, ever so thankful, that I knew I was alive.
At least somewhere, in the waiting room of my mind.
With no sense of time. I was happy, and not afraid anymore.

"Ben, Ben, can you hear me?" A distant voice called.
My full consciousness washed me back gently.
Back into reality, to see the Doctor beside me.
"It's over now. You're okay, welcome back" They smiled.
Rolled away to the recovery ward. I sighed deeply in relief.

And so it was. The darkness never came.
Back to the land of the living, with time to heal.
Not sure if life, or even death, would throw me anymore curve-balls.
I knew for now. I just wanted to sit on the sidelines. And rest.
For I would have to play again soon. In this game called life.