"The unresolved, undone and unfair. By Ben Goode 2019 (c)

This is a conversation I imagine I would have today, with someone I used to know, and love.
They were quite complicated. And also very evasive, and a compulsive liar.
The friendship ended quite suddenly. Nothing was ever truly resolved.
But based on what I know about the person, it never could be.
And this is how I think the conversation would go.
With me asking the first question. 

How many lies have you told?
I don't know..
Of course you don't. You're so caught up in the lies you tell that you think they're real.. 
That's not fair...
Isn't it?
Let me tell you what's not fair...
Ha yeah?
Don't scoff at me!
Why not?
Just don't, I have something to say..
Ha yeah?
Don't...
Well go on, I'm having a smoke...(lights a smoke, shaking her head)
As you do..
Aw fuck off, I'm not gonna be put through this, I have enough shit to deal with..
Really?
I don't want this conversation...
I just want to say my piece..
You might as well go, you've made up your mind about me...
Yeah I guess so, but you didn't help my thoughts...
Look Ben, I've had so much shit to deal with, I like you ok? But you're too much...
Too much?
Too pushy, you expect too much, what do you want for fucks sake? A relationship?
Well yeah I did...
Your last one didn't work that well did it?
What does that mean? That's not fair...
Ha not fair huh? You have no idea..
Um I think I do...
What shit have you had to deal with huh? Besides your own selfishness?
Oh you have me figured out huh?
Yeah it's not hard, look don't think you can compare yourself and your shit with me..
So how much of it is a lie?
Fuck you!
You said your son had passed away...yet he is quite alive..that's a pretty damned big lie!
I had my reasons..
Sympathy?
Fuck off!
Well was it? Sympathy? I felt sorry for you...
I don't owe you any explanation...
So why lie?
I have my reasons...
Well shit hey? And you had your reasons for telling me your ex had hurt you too?
He did, that wasn't a lie...
You weren't hurt when I had the police search for you. I was worried sick!
Look I'm sorry about that...
Yeah right. I looked like a damned fool. They searched the hospitals, and your non existent work place...
Alright, alright, just give it a rest...(lights another smoke) fuck this!
Look I can just go...
I did say to fuck off several minutes ago. I'm not stopping you...just go...go like everyone does..
So you want me to stay?
Whatever, you know (Sighs deeply) I'm just over this shit, I'm over everything...
Life isn't easy...
Yeah that's pretty fucking obvious huh? Look Ben I'm a hermit, self sufficient..I'm okay this way...
So why did we even get close? Why did we kiss? Why did we do any of it?
I don't know, you wanted something. I just went along. Look, I like you...but really just as a friend..
Yeah I knew that was coming...
Isn't that enough?
So why did you block me? Cut me off completely? I'm only here now, cause I wanted to clear the air..
I needed space. I just want peace. I don't need to involve anyone in my shit...
Yeah OK, I get it. Well at least I know now for sure, I've heard it from you..
You did before, what did you think would change? Really?
Oh well I guess that's it then. Goodbye I guess. Take care huh?
Always do. Have a good life Ben, look after those daughters of yours...
Yep, well they have their own lives. I just wanted to look after me for once..
So do that (shrugs her shoulders, turns away)
You too...yep (I leave without another word)

Final thoughts:
"Too many complications,
Too many explanations,
Not enough revelations,
Why am I in this situation?"