it rains and pours

Alone in her circle was her reputation. Constinantly dreaming of better days waking up to the same thoughts a empty pill bottle and glass of alcohol from yesterday. Often I wonder why I drink to deal with this shit called life. Eventually I remember while finishing my glass the happy environment it puts me in. In the end I realize not only is my happy place turning a full 360, my "issues " I had before my drink are still fucking here! Now I have the same issues from yesterday a headache from thinking and a empty glass. Lord knows I haven't presumed to get out of bed nor use the bathroom yet. Preparing myself for my day dressing myself for tha company my misery was gonna bring in was the thought I was trying to keep on my head. BOOM! my mind shuts down like a car running out of gas. These feelings or thoughts will not leave. FML. My friends are in my head, and I'm sick of them.My support system are my walls. If they talked as much as they listened tha friends I've gained in my head might get jealous and leave.The empty pill bottle Was once full. Slowly but surely they disappeared.All 60 of them. I call them Pain forgetters instead of pills because they allow pain to be forgotten for awhile. I was prescribed over half of 100 3 days ago. I still haven't ate or slept just stuck thinking. Looking at me I wonder why. Why I'm so cold so lonely so depressed feeling free all at once? So many questions not enough answers. As I start to lift my head For today I notice nd smile while a tear drops on my chest from my eyes. I've been watching myself for 3 days now wondering why I'm feeling every emotion 24/7. When is someone gonna notice the smell coming from a deceased body? Depressed with too many thoughts depending on thoughts and walls pills and vodka..while the world nor city nor loved ones notice.My wall friends can't speak just listen. To my requests. My thoughts are too frustrated to talk they Just think all day. Shoutout to my life. Pain forgetters taught me as long as I feel sad they help with everything. Just take a few. Looking at my cold lonely body,repeating now I lay me down to sleep alone and sad now my soul can sleep.