it's not enough

I was raised in a Presbyterian household I chose my own baptism when I turned 13 on the evening of easter, and at the time it held deep meaning to my life, at the time I was very sheltered from the world. I followed what people told me and accepted it. if people at school told me they did not believe in God I would get very offended, its quite ironic I suppose. I left my families church around age 17 or 18 because I stopped seeing the charity in it, or the good, and the last straw was when the pastor told a family friend of mine that their disabled son was only tolerated, and they had no right to make requests on his behalf, Iknow my choice was right because now the church is dying. EVen when I went to church every week there was always the question, of how, how does it all fit together, how could they say all this has happened, yet nothing as far as evidence to support it, so I turned to science science gave me answer's the ones I was looking for and it also gave me the means to find out the answers to ones were the words were not yet present, I want to be clear I never have nor will consider myself an athiest, im just not a christian, I believe in evolution, and that we are not the only sentient being in this universe, I think civilizations could of come and gone many times before we ever walked this earth.I more than anyone admit that this world still has so many mysteries left to be discovered. but still I feel like I want more, since man has first dreamed of flying with birds attempt after attempt was made and each a failure until finnally the write brothers invented the first succesful flying maching, yet over 100 years later all we haveto show Iis the same basic desighn only now we can go faster,I look around and see the pain and anguish in peoples faces and wish there was something I could do to lighten their spirits permanently. yet we are only human any attempt I could ever make would only ever be just that, temporary, eventually people would become bored, or forget the meaning of anything I might try to do. in time it would just slip away, and I begin to ask myself, what is the point. what is the point of anything if everything is doomed to be lost or forgotten, even if I became the best at something my skill could only ever last long enough until it would no longer be relavant, so is a long time long enough to be remembered if it is not truly forever?
I choose to mix GOd and science because while science is absolute, it is not forever, new corder stones and inventions are always being discovered, giving new perspective to how and why things happen, but God was always there for me even before I was born God was there, I dont mean the christian voice of happy lovy dovy power, I mean the drive that makes all living things fight to survive, the thing in our mindthat tells us right from wrong, that takes away the pain as we die,the Iidea that reasured us as children telling us there is no monsters under the bed, thats what I chose to follow, not blindly but because out of souces of inspiration that I was given to follow it was this driving force that made me choose to be and become who I am today,my mother and I have never seen eye to eye, mostly because she abused me as a child, but since shes recieved therapy iv chosen to try to patch things up, her religious views have made this very difficult because shes one of those people who thinks jesus rode on dinosaurs and castles were made to keep trexes out, and the earth is 12000 years old and before jesus was born the world or the universe did not exist,(Im sorry but that is a face palm moment)I dont want to go into a argument about religion so I wont instead ill try to get back to my topic, every day we all argue about various things,how hard work is, why we dont eat better, I dont like her, he doesnt like me, im dumb shes stupid, she smells, hes a pig, my feet hurt, your tree in your front yard lowers my property value.its obamas fault, I deserve, me me me I I I now now now, and yet all around us we have a planet that is dying, countries going to war over petty things, and all we seem to care about is what school our children will get into,and so people say im weird when I dont watch sports, or call me weak because im not in the military or gave up boxing, they degrade me and people like me who just want to live life, one of the maine reasons I cant accept christianity, is because if it was real I would totally be a witch, I would fornicate with demons to gain magical powers, "looks around" nope no horny demons, also how come possesed people never actually do anything evil? they just slide on the floor and moan maybe eat bugs or bang on the wall,I wanna see like a news article of a 12 year old girl runs away from home because shes possesed by demons prostitutes herself becomes queen pin of underground orginization because she uses evil demon voodoo magic to take out all the leaders and turns the world against god the father almighty and then has a statue made of barney being hung from a tree with the american bald eagle perched at the top, then she gets exorcised and is like omg what happened? then ill believe in demons, but until then there is no devil or demons only bad people, and sick minds. One of my best friends in the whole world suffers from ptsd and have 5 alternate personalities, at one time we were engaged, I thought if I loved her enough and cared enough one day god would heal her and she would get better, she thought so too, instead she got worse I almost lost my sanity and god only allowed for one of her attackers to be in jail, god doesnt answer our prayers like a magical genie, its up to us as people to make tis world better, sure good morals is a great thing due onto others, thats a great objective to have, but the absolute truth is that this world will keep getting crappier and crappier the more we ignore our responsabilities as people who live on this planet, the christians have a phrase we are only human nobody is perfect, nobody ever said you had to be to change the world, to change one person if every person changes one person we already made progress. so im gonna end this soon by saying sure religion is great, but iv found by itself its not enough as human being we need to step things up or face extinction as a result of our own mistakes.