jesus loves you(cough cough)

Jesus thinks im funny he told me so himself
john 3:16: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
JEsus's actual reaction: God damit dad knew this was going to happen, get a few women pregnant over spring break and the heavens come crashing down, great way to show your support dad.

Jer 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

So little angel baby jesus was invited to come to work with God, on the first anual bring your child to work day in the history of ever, he kind of crawls over to this big globe thingy covered with cars and people figurines, unbeknownst to him this is how god controls the world. so little baby angel jesus takes a horse from one end and begings to make airplane noises as he prenteds to make it fly around,shwooooosh nneeeeeeerms ptch ptch ptch ptch die die die bleh and throws it head long into the ocean shouting cannon ball! making a goant flood take over half of the world, god walks in and shouts jesus christ my son what have you done? luckily god saved the day with his godly wit by already having noa build an arc for his 5000 wedding aniversery to lucifer (you know lucifer is gods wife otherwise he wouldnt do so many things to Impress her)

Phil 4:13: I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

If jesus walked into a bar I imagin this would be his main pickup line to get random blow jobs from beautiful women, telling them you can be a superstar! if you suck my dick.

Gen 1:1: In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

And killed all the aliens, then bread inbred monkey fish with and aligator iiguana double vagina goose
And made man

Rom 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

why isnt santa clause real? and why was barney allowed to remain on air for more than 10 years before finnaly being convicted of cocaine addiction? fucking dinosaurs