LIFE

Have you ever felt lonely… and I don’t mean your typical lonely like not having anyone by your side….? I mean even though you have a good family behind you, couple of true friends and an okay job…. But yet with all these things you still feel empty, lonely, not important……. it feels like most times your standing in a crowd of so many people but then it just feels like you only you, is that even possible, and I know you want to confide in someone, just anyone who will even be able to understand your worries and concerns but they rarely do right ? all they see is you complaining, you being selfish, they see that you have a life, a family, a car, a job, a roof over your head…. So, what do you have to be sad about right? WRONG………. sometimes most the times it’s not about the material things, the possessions you hold…. No, its about YOU… the way you feel inside, the way you think about yourself, the way you see yourself and generally……. the way you see the world from your point of view… and yeah sometimes that vision may see gloomy and grey but that’s okay but that’s your perspective on live the world your in. most times it might feel like your doing 100 mph and other times you wish you could go just as fast, other times you may feel like life is moving fast without you hell even times you make think your to slow for life itself. The words “On the outside looking in” comes to mind you’re a phantom outside your body looking at yourself moving on a daily basis and you just wonder. why? why do I keep going? Why do I feel like a zombie in my own body? At times you may have the answer to that question and other times the answer will allude us no matter how hard you try to seek it…. But then that little drop in your heart gets deeper you start to feel guilty. wrong and generally disgusted why?... because you feel that the emotions that you have are wrong that you should not feel this way so you beat yourself up more and more which in turn makes you feel even more depressed than you already are…… it’s like you can never win this ongoing battle against yourself, your mind tells you one thing, your heart feels another the two are constantly in a fight with each other and you the referee having to choose which side needs the red card….. life for some can be a cotton candy land, others it’s like war but in the end they win and for some it feel… no it is a constant storm and not matter how many times you try to wait it out the storm never seems to die down. Worst thing is to be left with your thoughts , especially when it gets quiet that’s when your mind is the loudest the most awake… so what do you do, you keep yourself busy you keep yourself entertained, you try to make and do things that normally would keep you happy and in turn that works most of the time even if its for a moment but then you slow down everything stops moving and those feelings and thoughts return again and its like your lost on how and what to do to make sure these emotions stop and disappear…….. so in turn you scar the one thing you have control over the one thing that you can handle YOURSELF !!!!!!! and at the time it makes you feel calm hell even peaceful but then you see the damage you see the wounds and you end up hating yourself you feel guilty because you yourself is something you should cherish with all your might…. But what do you do when you think all your strength and might is gone?.........................