love lost

as I walk among my dreams

I look around at the people with whom I share my life and begin to wonder, if they see me,

the real me, that I hide so far away, in the the quit place safe from pain and loss,

where no one can touch it but me, am I afraid or just cautious, I try to be all I can be, yet no one I see can see me, the real me, shattered and cold in the cold desolate and removed like melted ice dripping away from the solid whole. with fingertips I stroke the fogged glass separating me from reality I prefer to hide in this land of illusion, the whispers only seldom make it through,  but that’s all it is an illusion so far from reality yet only divided by such a thin plane of separation, it's so quiet here. I like it, the whispers only seldom make it through, it’s easy to ignore them, it's here I stay in the land between a place of my own creation all alone, my own laughter to keep me company, then why can you see me? with not much in common but there’s so much about you that I love, it's so quiet here why do you want to be with me? what's so special all I hear is you calling out my name come close it will be ok. Your safe here I promise. It was this way we lived for so long caught in the in-between I was so happy making you happy, till this day I look back and see your smile and it still fills me with such warmth. but this is my land of illusion it can't be so forever, that bastard he stole you from me not by choice but by force he shattered you into a thousand pieces and I tried so hard to put you back but they fell through my fingertips like grains of sand each shard slicing my hand as it passed through why couldn’t I protect you? I'm so sorry I tried so hard to be there but the one time I was away everything changed please I don't know if you can hear me lost in thought like you are you feel so far away now your right there in front of me but you won’t talk to me please bay look at me one more time with that warm smile don't cry I'll keep you safe I promise, why won’t you trust me? why do you push so hard away? I'll get the guy who did this to you and you’ll see I'll make it better, I'm so sorry, I hunted him down found out where he lived I thought it was what I was supposed to do I told myself he deserved it I waited for him to be alone I told myself I'd make it quick I HATE YOU I HATE YOU why did you hurt her? what did she do to deserve what you did to her? YOU MONSTER!! but just when I was about to throw my life away and take from him what he took from her my whole world froze like a world in glass all the hate fell away and  I saw him for what he truly was alone and scared  like a lion roaring in a cage fearful to accept that he will never taste free air again he never knew I was there  I STILL HATE YOU, but you’re not even worth it. I went back home and held her close he didn’t kill her he just stole her smile and the warmth she once shined off, I'll keep you safe I promise just wait and see I'll be your warmth and your smile just wait and see I'll fix this like I usually do I'll be here for you until the very end. I LOVE YOU