Lucky

"I did a good thing. I did a good thing. So how did I end up here?"

"I thought, I just..." I pause here and can feel my blood boil and, and my head steam. My eyes are cloudy; my brain falls to pieces like rice. 

"It's not fair! None of it is! Nothing on this god damned floating piece of matter is ever fair!" I shout, nay scream into the heavens, (as if that would help). I prayed day and night for just a little break. And did I get one?! No! Of course not! Because life is as god damn mysterious as discounted packaged meat. 

"I thought, hey you know, let's do a good thing! It'll be fun! And innocent, so so innocent, like my first ex-wife!" So, I walk into the gas station, or wait there were no gas pumps... convenience store! It was a convenience store! So, anyway, I walk into the gas station, and I think lottery ticket, because hey, that jerk down the street's cousin's nephew won big, so why the hell can't I?! 

"Why did he have to sit right there?! Why was he there so sad, so pitiful?!" I anguish. The big clown! All huddled in his cardboard sanctuary like the last puppy to be picked at the mill. So I think, lottery ticket?! Hows about I slap an 's' on that and get two. 

"You get it... 's' to make it plural...two lottery tickets." I rationalize. Anyway, so I walk in, peruse the magazines, saunter up to the counter, buy some beef jerky for good measure, and request two of those $10 bucks a pop lottery tickets. The guy, young, dark, pitiful but in a different sense, begrudgingly rings me up without a word, and I'm on my merry way. But just as I push open the fingerprinted double glass doors, I stop next to the pitiful old slug as he lay sleeping, and thrust in his face one the lottery tickets. He starts awake--muttering something incomprehensible but probably insane. His eyes are open wide and he shakily grabs at the ticket. I salute and walk off towards my car, feeling as though the pope couldn't be as good as me even if he tried. 

"God damn Lincoln," I mutter. So anyways, I took out my lucky penny and scratch away at that little piece of paper until I'm covered in its horrid little confetti. The penny was not as lucky as previously thought, so naturally I launch it and the failure of a lottery ticket out the window. 

I start my car, turn on some Meatloaf, and drive home disappointed, per the usual. 

So what do I see when I wake up?! What do I see?! As if my life wasn't completely and utterly garbage, I see that pitiful creature on the news. Why is he on the news?! I read the words and find out that this homeless piece of trash has won five hundred thousand dollars. From, drum roll please, a lottery ticket. 

"The spots, the white spots!" White spots begin to appear and I can't breathe. My face turns red and my neck feels red hot. For a moment, the white becomes too intense and I can't see a hand in front of my face. That was supposed to be my lottery ticket! My money! I'm supposed to be the big winner!

"I was cheated!" I shout barbarically. They lay me down. 

I find myself pacing the room erratically. I can't stop thinking of the lottery ticket. My lottery ticket. All that money I could've had! I deserve that money! I've been through hell and back! I turn to the window sharply and see that outside it's dark. How long was I pondering?! Pondering what though?! I grab my coat and throw open the door. I walk out into a starless night. I get into my junker car and speed towards the nearest hotel. I throw open the strategically secluded side door and march my way up the stairs. I pace up and down each and every floor until I find a door with flowers outside it. This is ridiculous! This isn't hospital! Nobody's died! He doesn't deserve flowers, or interviews or praise! Who do they think gave him that ticket?!

"I did," I mutter as I try to sit up. I can't. I feel a sharp pain in my leg. 

I kicked down the door and found him in there: sleeping, empty bottles of champagne scattered about! My blood started to boil again. I saw fuzzy white dots and in a flash of pain and panic and anger, oh no, fury, I leap forward with a bottle and I--I--

'In God's love has despicable envy risen. May it die in thee.'  

I start to see fuzzy white dots again, but this time, no anger.