Mutations

Murdoch et al: "You need to wash your hands with sanitizer"
 
Me: "Why?"
 
Murdoch et al: "Because you might catch Covid!"
 
Me: [starts sanitizing]

Murdoch et al: "You need to social distance."

Me: "Why?"

Murdoch et al: "Because most sanitizers don't actually work on Covid"

Me: [social distances]

Murdoch et al: "You need to wear a mask."

Me: "Why?"

Murdoch et al: "Because otherwise you might catch Covid!"

Me: "I thought you said to social distance?"

Murdoch et al: "Yeah but the truth is 2 sq meters doesn't actually keep you out of the line of fire, which would actually be more like an 8m bubble."

Me: 😷

Murdoch et al: "You need to vaccinate the most vulnerable?"

Me: "Why?"

Murdoch et al: "Because sanitzing, social distancing, and masks don't actually stop Covid!"

Me: [vaccinates the most vulnerable]

Murdoch et al: "Keep your mask on."

Me: "Why?"

Murdoch et al: "Because we said so. Oh yeah, and get the vaccine."

Me: "Why?"

Murdoch et al: "Because you need to protect the most vulnerable."

Me: "Wait, I already had them vaccinated like I do my household pets every year."

Murdoch et al: "Yeah... point?"

Me: "Well, does the vaccine work or doesn't it?"

Murdoch et al: "Oh it works. We've spent trillions convincing everyone it works."

Me: "So I don't need it if the most vulnerable are already vaccinated."

Murdoch et al: "Oh hell yeah you do!"

Me: "Why?"

Murdoch et al: "Because we need to make our mo... I mean because if you don't, your loved ones might die!"

Me: "We just established that; my loved one's are already vaccinated."

Murdoch et al: "But they still might get Covid."

Me: "What?"

Murdoch et al: "Look! If you don't get the jab you will also not get the Passport!"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Murdoch et al: "Yeah you heard right, we will restrict you and make you a LITERAL (not a figurative) Second Class citizen."

Me: "WTF!?"

Murdoch et al: "Still don't wanna comply?"

Me: "No!"

Murdoch et al: *EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT WE HAVE AN UNPATRIOTIC UNAUSTRALIAN ANTIVAXXER OVER HERE!*

Uber-Feminists: "Hey buddy! Just because we can terminate a full-to-term living child because OUR BODY has priority doesn't give YOU the right to reject this vaccine from the body you're wearing, which belongs to the State!"

Trans Community: YEAH!

Me: "Wait, 🤔... wouldn't that make your body belong to the State too? Like, your birth certificate gender is their property--smthn like that?"

Trans Community: "Oh...?😬🤐"

Uber-Femenists: "Oh, well....erm, your body doesn't belong to the State per se, but your apparent apathy could have serious repercusions that take away an innocent life!"

Me: 😶

Pro-Euthanasia Squad: "YEAH EAT THAT!"

Me: "I'm sorry? Erm, like... what if I self-isolate, self-medicate, and just take the risk of dying alone should I contract Covid?"

Murdoch et al: "No, you can't do that!"

Pro-Euthanasia Squad: "YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

Me: "Why not?"

Politicians: "Because we need your

Murdoch et al: "MONEY!"

Politicians: "Allegiance. We were going to say, 'your allegiance'."

Murdoch et al: "GDP? Super?"

Politicians: "No Murdoch et al, good old fashioned 'Aussie Spirit' was in the brief... right there, see? Just follow the God-damned script!"

Murdoch et al: "Oooh right. Yeah, that."

Me: 😶....

"So, guys, erm... what actually does stop Covid?"

Everyone: "MORE LOCKDOWNS!"

Me: 😶

Everyone: "...and... maybe, we mean ah DEFINITELY the new vaccine, of course. Well, ... mostly."