My thoughts today.

I find it very odd, when someone who used to be a friend has deliberately, and intentionally, put you in a bad light with others.
And then they want to be friends with you again?
WTF!!??
Sorry I don't believe in keeping my enemies closer.
Not when it comes to Space Invaders!
If you'll excuse the pun.
I'm just glad I have salvaged some faith and trust back from the friends I thought I had almost lost, 
because of gossip, and embellishments.
I have made many mistakes.
With people in general.
I have been misunderstood so many times.
And I guess that part has never changed.
I have no ulterior motives.
I don't think I could have any hidden agenda anyway.
Having worn my heart on my sleeve for so long.
I don't remember a time where I haven't.
I overthink and over analyse. I'm over sensitive, and can be defensive.
And that has been my ultimate weakness.
I don't mind admitting my faults.
Perhaps there was a time, where I wouldn't have even contemplated that.
But much time has passed.
And pride is over-rated anyway.
I'm not sure I have gained the wisdom I thought I might have by now.
But I won't tolerate being walked all over. I don't mind admitting that I used to tolerate
being bullied, manipulated, and made to feel inadequate, incompetent, and dumb.
But not anymore. I can't keep quiet anymore. 
But I don't know, maybe I'm too outspoken now.
I used to be afraid of so many things.
But I had to confront those fears.
Some I wish I hadn't.
But circumstances forced my hand.
I think perhaps I have lost a lot of my care, and love for things I used to hold dear.
Maybe from my disappointment, losing so many friends over the years.
But I guess it was my fault for most part. Sharing too many of my thoughts, and feelings.
And finding out that everything, everything I have said has not only been repeated, 
into ugly gossip. But it has been used to make people choose sides. Human nature I guess. 
I have been left with a lot of regret, and reflection.
What I could have done better, and what I should of worded and said better.
What I would maybe improve on.
And perhaps why I've found myself writing this. Sharing these thoughts. 
So the reader can say to themselves "Yes I understand, this has happened to me too!"
And it probably has to many people. Maybe some of you have had much worse situations.
And not many people really want to discuss it this openly.
But I've had practice standing on a soap box. I know who I am. And some of you know me
better than other's. But you're still here, and have accepted me for who I am.
Having read many of my thoughts and poetry. You probably know me better than I know you.
I am grateful for the friends I do have, new and old. 
I know I have to stop worrying about those who aren't worthy to be friends, and those who never 
could be again. I don't forgive of forget betrayal. Once bitten, twice shy. 
And that's all I have to say about that. Thanks for reading!