The Naked Truth

The Naked Truth

Why do we use. How do we become addict’s. It is
literally impossible to explain and
possibly even more difficult to understand.
Addiction cannot be taught it has
to be felt. This disease is unique in that every si
ngle individual is a different strain of
the disease. Most addicts do not even know themselves
why they do what they do.
Only the addict can learn why and how by looking at
 themselves from within. The
addict must be completely honest within themselves
by recognizing your own
demons and facing them. Honesty and courage are
areas addicts refuse to or have
difficulty conforming to. I give to you the lesson
my addictions taught me. My naked
truth. I used to feel different from myself, to fill a void
, to hide from painful truths, to feel
anything other than feelings. Using becomes
 more desirable than feeling
feelings. Using becomes our coping skill- what we
do to hand over control and
responsibility of our lives. When using there is no
 more living, no more feeling, just
numb, dead inside, barely breathing. 
An addict’s truth is always painful and being numb is
easier than feeling pain. This is the
reason so many addicts never escape the vice of
addiction. The numb is instant not
rational. The numb does not carry a mirror or any 
feelings particularly love in its
path. So how do you believe in anything other than
pain or numbness when it is all
you ever felt or known? It is almost impossible. You
 need to believe there is
something greater than you  that is everything you need
to heal. Doesn't getting high
seem more rational? It FUCKING IS! Hence addiction
is still winning for the majority
of all who are broken. A long time ago deep within
myself my survival skills my soul
gave me a thread to hold on to. That thread was the
 belief that everything happens
for a reason and a lesson is learned in all good and bad.
 Every inch of our lives is another
step towards our purpose, our destiny, becoming
your peace, your salvation, your
scars, your fight, your breath, your love, your hate
and your ability to feel. 
So I began to rationalize my addictions my
lessons. I chose the most
apparent and the most harmful. I found the positive
 lesson or reason and I grew from
it, slower than molasses but I grew, a molecule a day building faith, belief, love
forgiveness, tolerance, self worth, truth and reason
within myself instead of looking
for all of those things anywhere else because I knew 
they did not exist anywhere
else but within me!