Over coming a Friend's Suicide

I've lost many people close to me. Parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles and some friends. But the death of neighbor and close friend Kory Christensen was the most traumatic. You see Kory who lived across the hall from my apartment committed suicide April 2008. Kory was a rather strange sort of fellow. He kept mostly to himself. When he was around people he would constantly make jokes. Most of which weren't funny. He had a very bad temper but he could be very kind and gentle. He cried easily and was very emotional. He would play loud music into the wee hours of the morning. This infuriated me. I would knock on his door to turn the music down so I could get some sleep and he would pretend not to hear me.This went on for many months. It was exhausting having a neighbor with such strange behavior and would often keep me up at night with his loud music.

One night in March 2008 Kory decided to do something stupid that would change his world. Kory decided to get drunk and get into a car. I live in a small town and the cops here don't put up with much. They write out tickets for everything. Anyways they caught up with Kory. Kory was always trying to worm his way out of trouble. Let's see him talk his way out of this one. Kory did his best only this time it wasn't working. He was placed on house arrest and would not get his license back for another year or two. This upset Kory terribly and soon I saw Kory change from this aggressive loud mouth who wasn't afraid to tell anyone off and put them in their place to this man who became very depressed and cried all the time. Kory could cry easily but he wasn't someone who cried all the time. Most of the time he had a smile, a joke and would laugh. He went to church with me a few times and seemed to like it a lot. He talked to everyone.

But once he got depressed Kory's demeanor changed. He would come over to my apartment crying and begging me to sit with him because he didn't want to be alone. I indulged him but felt uncomfortable because all he would do was cry. He was unconsoleable. Then all of a sudden Kory wouldn't even answer his door. For weeks I would knock on his door to check on him and there'd be no answer. Sandy who was a girl that was in the hospital with Kory would come over and knock on his door. He wouldn't answer anyone. Sandy and I began to worry. I talked to everyone. The landlord who seemed like he didn't want to be bothered. I talked to people at Scranton Counseling where Kory went for therapy but they wouldn't even try to call Kory. They told me it was my responsibility to call the police. 

I didn't want to do that. What if I were wrong? I was about to go to the police that night when I heard a moan coming from Kory's apartment. It sounded like someone taking their last breath. Sandy had come a few minutes ago and I told her I've been trying all day to get Kory to come to the door or at least answer me and I hear nothing. Finally my other neighbor Len came. We told him what was going on. Len said he probably just doesn't want to be bothered and went into his apartment. Not more then 2 seconds later Len comes out and bangs on Kory's door. I guess he saw the deep concern in our faces and knew it was more then just Kory not wanting to be bothered. "Kory, if you don't come out I'm going to break down the door." No answer. Len knew something was wrong and called the landlord.

Of course like any landlord, Jack was making light of the situation. But Len wouldn't let him take this lightly. Finally he convinced Jack that there was more going on then Kory wanting to be by himself. So about 20 minutes later Jack comes walking up the steps. He and Len decide to go into Kory's apartment. When they came out they were white as ghosts. He's gone, they told us. What do you mean, I asked pretending I didn't know what they meant. He hung himself. I was going to go in when Jack stopped me. You don't want that memory in your mind. I couldn't believe Kory killed himself. It was unreal.d

Sandy was shocked but seemed to be doing a lot better then me. Jack and Kory weren't doing so great themselves. The police came and the ambulance. Everyone seemed to be in there a long time. Finally they brought Kory out. They had a blanket over his face. I felt sick to my stomach. I never had known anyone close to me who committed suicide before. Years ago in my neighborhood our neighbor committed suicide. I didn't know him very well but I knew his daughters. We rode the school bus together. But having a close friend commit suicide changes you.

That night Len did not want to stay in the building. He was very shook up by the experience. He decided to leave. Sandy went home and I was in the building all alone. My building is a big building. We have businesses underneath and apartments above. At the time there were four tenants. I've lived here for the past 23 years. It'll be 24 on my birthday, January 29th. I've seen a lot of people come and go here.

Never did we think anyone would commit suicide in our building. I knew Kory was depressed over losing his license and being on house arrest. I'm sure he was embarrassed by all of it. But it wasn't like he would never get his license back. In the days before following his death he talked a lot about wanting to die. It did concern me and that is why I tried to get some help but nobody wanted to get involved or took it seriously.

I cried for days after Kory died. I couldn't believe he would end his life over losing his license and being on house arrest. I'm sure there was more to it. It was devastating losing a friend that way. I'm a Christian and wondered if Kory was in heaven or hell? Kory loved going to church and he knew the way. I often wonder where Kory is today.

Suicide may seem like an answer at the time but it's not. I had attempted suicide in the past. Thank God I didn't succeed because I realized that no matter how bad our problems are or how bad our lives are things do get better. Suicide is a selfish response to a temporary problem. Suicide is something you can't take back.  Suicide hurts everyone you love and everyone who loves you.

I wish Kory knew that there was a silver lining to his problem and that if he gave others a chance someone would have helped him. I will never forget my friend Kory. He was a big part of my life and I do miss him. When I think about him as I often do I feel kind of sad that his life endly so abruptly and sadly. It was so unnecessary. He never knew that there were many people who loved and cared for him.

All of us deal with depression at one time or another. I find when I am depressed over my circumstances it helps to be around people and do for others. It may not change my situation but it helps me to put things into perspective. And helping others makes me feel good. This is what God expects of us. This is why God put is here on earth to serve him and others.

If you know someone who is depressed and thinking about ending their life it is your job to do everything you can to save that person's life before it's too late..... Kathryn