PEANUTS..AND FAT BLEATERS

I was six years old, and a brownie.  I had promised to honour and serve my country, I don't know why I promised that, as I was never picked for serving in dinners at school,  and that was for only eight children, so a whole country would just be a miracle.  Maybe I had inherent potential.  I was going on a trip with the rest of the brownies after school, we were going to a Church in Worksop to listen to a service for Easter.  My mother, had given me something to eat in case I got hungry.  I was avidly disappointed to find that it was a brown paper bag, with monkey nuts in.  Monkey nuts are peanuts without salt on them, they are encased in a soft shell.  Why I did not have a cheese or ham sandwich like the rest of the children is a mystery only my mother could solve.  
The service was long and boring, with a lot of standing up and sitting down and listening to fat men bleating.  I grew bored.  I grew bored and reached for the brown paper bag.  Oh now those nuts seemed a little more inviting,  I began to nonchalantly smuggle a few nuts in between the fat men bleating.  I was seated on a sort of veranda which was higher than the congregation below, and an idea occured to me.  I had a bag of dispensed shells, a full bag of them, just sat waiting for a flying lesson .  Leaning over the veranda I picked one juicy large shell, and dropped it over the edge.  It dipped and curved in the slight draft like a little gypsy moth, coming to land on some woman's hat.  Wow, little beauty.  I took another smaller shell and primed it up for launch, this time a little flick of the finger sent it more streamlined in the attack on the congregation. It hit a choir boys collar un noticed.  I was getting rather brave, and took a hand full...this time i ploughed the field and scattered the good nuts straight from my hand.up in the air, and they fell like snow flakes..oops.  The main fat bleating man, in the red cloak, who looked a lot like Father Christmas spotted me, and spotted me with his sceptre.  He held it up in the air  and pointed it straight at me.  I was caught red handed,  with my nuts on show.  I am a brownie.  I am wearing a brownies uniform which is universally the same, and I am standing with sixty other brownies.  He wiggles his little finger in a come hither gesture.  His eyes not moving off of me.  This is just as the sermon is ending and we are going to file out of the church, coming down the stairs passed the fat bleater in the red cloak.  I thought,  in my six year old brain, this man, this man of god who sees everything and knows everything does not know me from Adam..it's all kidology with this pointy finger.  I walked down the stairs straight passed him and he did not know who had cause the peanut rain, and I didn't even feel bad about it.  I must have had some brass neck then..but I think if there is a God, he would have laughed with childish laughter..and not attempted to  slaughtered me like a lamb that I was..  A few shells on the floor..it's hardly a sin is it.  I blame my mother..she made me nuts.