Pop. Pop. Boom.

    Pop. Pop. Boom.

    The sounds surround her as she watches the fireworks. She does it every year, but usually, she’s able watch from her bedroom or her parents room. Of the two places in town that shoot off fireworks every Fourth of July, one is only a few miles away from her house. Because of the short distance, she’s always able to see. However, this year is different. The year before, she was out of town over the Fourth, but her family had their own fireworks show where they camp the weekend before. This year, there were no fireworks. The only celebrating was done while her family was, once again, out of town. 
    
    Pop. Pop. Boom.

    She was only able to really see a handful of fireworks. The thing is, she’s older now. The trees have grown taller, making her unable to see the fireworks as well. Even with the tall trees, though, she was usually able to see them out her bedroom window. That tree in the front yard isn’t ten feet tall anymore, in fact it’s more like thirty and it hides them from her.

    Pop. Pop. Boom.

    Almost everything has changed since the night she remembers sitting in her bed, watching the fireworks and feeling a little rebellious because it was past her bedtime. She doesn’t have a bedtime anymore. She just goes to sleep when she’s reached the point that she can hardly keep her eyes open. At least then she’ll fall right to sleep and the voices won’t keep her awake. The voices. They tear her apart late at night and she has to fight every little urge and feeling.

    Pop. Pop. Boom.
    
    She’s just as enamored by the fireworks as she always was, even though she’s sixteen and has the mentality of a twenty-two year old. It’s almost easy to forget that she’s sixteen and just believe that she’s eight again and up past her bedtime just to see the fireworks. If it weren’t for the ache in her feet and the bracelets pressed against her wrist as she leaned against the door, she might be able to forget. Her aching feet keep her anchored in reality. Her bracelets remind her that they are there to hide the scars. And those scars are what truly remind her about everything that has changed and don’t let her forget that she fell apart.

    Pop. Pop. Boom. 
    
    A year ago, her wrists were clean. Sure, she wasn’t the happiest but there were serious reasons causing her discomfort and keeping her alert. She was still able to smile at the fireworks her family put on and laugh with her mom and best friend. The year before, her grandfather was still alive and causing the family more pain. Now he was gone and his death was what pushed her over the edge. His death is the reason she wears bracelets and doesn’t sleep. It all ties back to his death. And at the end, she shakes off the euphoria and heads back inside to the life she’s living.

    Pop. Pop. Boom.