Raindrops: A story of Life and Circumstance ; Chapter Five: Rising and Falling

 The campus was very bright in the unseasonable fall sunlight. The feeling was unusual, but I couldn't help but take in the subtle hues and feel a sense of Euphoria overtake me. It was no more than I could have imagined, but the sight was amazing compared to the normal grey I viewed the world through.  We walked along on the bright white paved path, with the girl, whose name was Sarah, she'd told us, and I smiled as I watched little leaves fall from the trees overhead. We were being led across campus to a small café that operated within the school grounds. I was still starving, and from the rumbling sound that echoed beside me, Natalie was as well.   I didn't remember when, but sometime during the walk, I'd started holding her hand. Normally such a thing would mortify me, but I was floating on cloud nine. I didn't know how long this would last, but It felt good, so I would enjoy it while I could, regardless of my own sensibilities.  It didn't seem right to interrupt, so I walked in the sunshine, basking in the gentle warmth.  Every now and then, Sarah would look back at us, skeptically. 

 I had a decent guess why she was doing that, but I didn't particularly care to care. It was irrelevant what she thought was between Natalie and me. So, on we walked the three of us, as we passed the library, and went under Its broad archway, passing into a rainbow of colors on the sidewalk, refracted through the prism formed by the bridge overhead. Natalie quietly sighed contentedly, I looked over at her, and saw her gaze fixed on the blue sky up above.  

 "It's nice to be able to get out in the sun again." She started humming a familiar, bouncy tune. I laughed softly at her exuberance, and how easily it fit into the surroundings. Something did feel alive in the air as we continued on our way down the empty streets. Sarah stared back again. 

 "I suppose..." Personally, I always preferred the rain because... I stopped myself from finishing that thought.  I just like the rain. Something about the sound of it, the feel on my skin, and the feeling of wonderful insignificance it brought out. I didn't dislike the sun, but it always felt too expressive and bright to me. And when it rose on clear days, the beauty of the clouds was lost.  

 "I always loved the days when it's raining, but softly, and you can just walk out, and feel everything melt away. It's a good feeling to me, I guess." Natalie nodded before making a grimace. 

 "My family used to live in California, you know, and we would have days like this all the time. It sounds great, but I never really had to deal with the rain until we moved North to Vancouver." I nodded thoughtfully. 

 "You guys live up in Vancouver?" I began ponderingly. "So why are you going here? Shouldn't you be in Canada?" She shook her head, slowly, before taking a moment to compose her thoughts. 

 "One of the benefits of my dad's job is he has houses up and down the coast. We're not technically Canadian citizens. My dad's firms own the properties, and we live on them as 'visitors' " She quietly laughed to herself, "Since he's rich, he thinks he can live anywhere. But he wanted me to go to the same school he did, so I ended up taking the bus down from Vancouver. Said he wanted me to be more Independent." She gestured to the clothes she was wearing and me. "But I guess I've just ended up moving in with you, haven't I?" 

 "I'm not that bad, really, I promise." I smiled and she rolled her eyes. 

 "It's not that I'm doubting you, I just guess I feel like I might have gone back to square one, the same place I started." She looked up again, and some of the smile left her eyes. "I used to have a lot of friends you know." My own smile dropped a bit as a faraway look entered her gaze. "But my father has a very strict sense of propriety, and there weren't many eligible people around." She frowned, her eyes dropping down to me. "You're probably the first person I've talked to in months who isn't my parents or one of our staff." I looked at her curiously. If it was true, I felt a little bad for her.  

 "Really? Just because he didn't like them..." She nodded sadly before squeezing my hand. I thought it over to myself. That was probably why she'd reacted in such a strange way to my mental breakdown. She hadn't had any normal interactions for a while. It relieved some small part of my mind, but it made me feel terrible to hear how lonely she must have been. 

 "Well, if it makes you feel any better, It's the same situation with me. I don't really talk to anyone much, even though my aunt is always trying to get me out and about." It was the truth. Aunt Vi had tried on several occasions to make me attend gatherings, parties and events, but she never succeeded. I would always find one excuse or another not to attend. I definitely didn't talk to people the way I'd been with Natalie. In fact, I still didn't understand why I talked to Natalie.  

 "You're probably the first person I've consistently spoken to besides my aunt." Sarah wheeled around.  

 "And what am I, chopped liver?" I waved her off. She raised her eyebrow. "I'll have you know, you've been a real chatterbox for someone who claims to be socially averse." I stuck my tongue out at her and she laughed. "Alright then. So, tell me. How did miss doom and gloom meet the bipolar blonde?" Natalie and I both looked at her cynically.  

 "We have names, you know." She rolled her eyes and nodded slowly.  

 "Yes, you do, Pardon me. So how did you, Madeline Perrine, who has supposedly refused to go out anywhere, meet Miss Natalie Lind, who is kept up on a shelf like a porcelain doll?" I frowned at her.  

 "We met on the bus coming here." She nodded but looked like she was expecting more.  

 "Okay, that's it though? You two are practically complete strangers then?" I nodded in response. "And yet, she storms in dragging you by the arm and staring down into my soul like a madwoman, and you expect me to believe you'd just met." I shrugged, but Natalie quietly lowered her head, cheeks burning. I squeezed her hand.  

 "She was helping me. I wasn't feeling well." Sarah shook her head and stopped.  

 "Yeah, not feeling well. I heard you two from my office. After I heard you screaming, I ran up the stairs and to your door." I blanched. "Now, I thought you were being murdered, I really did. But I reach out to turn the door knob, and next thing I hear is 'I love you'." She squinted at me. "Either one of you comes on REALLY fast, or something was going on." She stared distantly at me. "Next thing I hear comes from all around me, saying 'we love you too.'" My face deadpanned as I tried to recall the events of last night. I didn't remember anyone but Natalie saying that, and she was right beside me. I looked at the serious expression on her face, she wasn't lying, or she didn't think she was.  "So, unless you were hiding a bunch of people around, something was going on." 
 Natalie, surprisingly, was the one to pipe up and change the flow of the conversation. "I'm sorry for last night. I wasn't... quite in the right state of mind to be polite." Sarah looked at her dumbfoundedly.  

 "Not in the right state of mind? You did fill that out on the questionnaire, right? You are legally obligated to tell me those sorts of things. I don't care what happens, but if one of you comes up to my office beaten and bloody, I'd much rather know what to testify." She shook her head. "I guess I really don't have much say in this, but I would like to keep an eye on what's going on in my building." She looked at me worriedly. "When you walked in, you looked pale as a ghost, and you sounded half as lively as one." I sighed. It was probably true. "Are you okay?" The question, all over again. The one everyone asked. A voice beside me rose in a steely reply. 

 "She's perfectly fine, thank you. She was just having a rough day and needed someone to talk to. I helped her out." Sarah glared coolly at Natalie. Natalie returned the look with equal determination. "So, I don't quite know what you heard eavesdropping on us, but I won't apologize for what happened when I was helping out someone who needed it." Sarah eyed Natalie approvingly. 

 "Nor would I ask you to." And with that cryptic remark, she turned and kept walking. "Well then, come on you two lovebirds, let's get a move on." We looked at each other in confusion and walked after her. she quickened her pace as we approached the end of the massive Library complex. She stopped again and gestured to a well-concealed annex that looked like it had been retrofitted into the rest of the building. Like everything else on campus, It was made essentially of brick, but in its particular case, the entire front of the building had been ripped out and replaced with glass panels and metal supports. It looked like... honestly, I didn't know WHAT it looked like, it was so bizarre. "Welcome to Café Douloureux" she swept a hand out, widely encompassing the entirety of its mangled majesty. I glanced at her quizzically. 

 "Douloureux? What does that mean?" Sarah smiled mischievously.  

 "Well, actually, the proper name is Café Dolores, after the lady who owns it. She moved from Montréal and thinks she's a French prodigy. However, we had an actual French exchange student come around, and he slipped and called it that. Or maybe he did it on purpose, we'll never know." She pondered thoughtfully. 

 "Okay, but what does it mean?" She laughed quietly to herself. 

 "Painful. Douloureux means painful. and I have to say, it's quite accurate for this place, wouldn't you agree?" I looked at the face of the building again. It definitely looked like someone had ripped off the buildings front and replaced it, so pretty painful indeed. "Anyway, once the name got around, it stuck." She walked to the front door, but paused and turned to us. "Don't say it around Dolores though, it's a bit of a sore spot for her." We walked into the quaint little place and were greeted by a plump woman who appeared to be in her mid-thirties. she had a youthful attitude about her, and an inner light in her eyes. She puffed herself up pretentiously before facing Sarah. 

 "Salut, ma cherie. Comment-allez vous ce matin?" Sarah rolled her eyes. 

 "Good morning Dolores." The lady looked her in the eyes with a hurt expression. She looked sadly at Sarah, who eventually gave in and sighed exhaustedly. 

 "Nous allons discuter en anglais, n'est-ce pas?" Satisfied, Dolores nodded cheerfully. 

 "Bien Sûr, Now, what can I get for you? I don't have much in yet, but I'm sure I can find you something." She led us over to one of the booths next to the windows, disappearing behind the counter before returning with three menus. I raised my eyebrows slightly. This seemed to be a lot for a simple café. Sarah noticed my expression and shrugged. "Ça la ren-... GAH!, I mean, It makes her happy..." She glared balefully at Dolores, who had a satisfied smile as she tripped over the languages.  I shook my head and looked down at the menu, skimming over the French names outlined in fanciful script., and referring to the English subtitles underneath each dish. I picked something I was used to as Dolores walked up to the table with four cups in hand. 

 "Here you go." She handed around the cups and seated herself on the seat next to Sarah. I looked down at the steaming cup, and a strong smell of coffee wafted towards me.  It smelled good, but it was blacker than night.  It was strangely invigorating, although I didn't often drink the stuff. Not wanting to seem rude, I took a sip and artfully concealed my grimace and expression of pain as it scalded the roof of my mouth. Suddenly, my order changed. 

 "Could I get the milk tea please?" Dolores looked at me before slowly smiling.  

 "Drank too fast, did you?" I nodded and she got to her feet, but not before pulling several miniature creamers out of her apron pocket. She set them down on the table. "These should help. So, I know what she's getting, but what about you two?" I looked down at the menu again and made my choice.  

 "Fried eggs, I guess, for me." Natalie nodded  

 "That does sound good. I'll take what she's having." She smiled slightly at the cliché. I shook my head in exasperation. Sarah watched the interaction between us with an eyebrow raised. 

 "Can you two not hear yourselves? Anyway, Dolores, I was actually going to ask for the Croque-Madame. It seems everyone's getting eggs this morning." Dolores nodded before walking into a door in the back of the room.  

 Natalie quietly opened one of the creamer packets and emptied it into her coffee. I followed suit, not quite feeling like burning myself again. I watched skeptically as she opened another, and another, and another. At that point, she was more adding coffee to her creamer than she was creamer to coffee. I stopped at two before sipping at it appreciatively. It was still warm, but just enough. Natalie took a sip of hers and smiled brightly. 

 "Perfect!" Sarah and I raised an eyebrow at her simultaneously. She looked at us, confused. "What?" I shook my head again and Sarah pointed to her 'coffee'. 

 "You turned that poor cup of coffee blonder than you. Do you always drink it like that? I think that's the same amount of creamer I use in a WEEK." Natalie shrugged before laughing nervously.  

 "Yeah, I guess so." She absentmindedly moved her finger around the rim of the cup, a small frown affixed to her lips. "I always make mine this way. I don't like the taste of coffee, but..." My head skewed to the side almost comically. 

 "Then why did you accept? If you didn't like it..." She chuckled softly to herself before a small smile crept over her expression.  

 "Well, she offered. I guess I'm a bit of a pushover when it comes to getting things." She sighed and set her head on the table. "Even if I don't really like coffee, she gave it to us."  

 "You okay?" She turned her head to the side, hair barely concealing the tiny smile she had on her face. She blew out, causing the strands to fly up. 

 "I'm fine. Just a little tired still." Sarah smiled. 

 "Makes since. You had her pretty green eyes keeping you up all night." Natalie sighed exhaustedly.  She looked into my eyes, blues and grey's swirling around her pupils, and she smiled faintly. 

 "As pretty as her eyes are, they weren't what kept me up. I didn't fall asleep until the sun started coming up..." As if to accentuate her point, she yawned quietly. "I guess... I was just thinking for a long while..." her head came down again. I put my head down beside hers and kept my eyes on hers. She smiled.

"You're a real handful, you know." I frowned slightly. It was true. She'd only known me for a day, and I'd ruined her evening and her sleep, not to mention making her deal with my insanity. I sighed slightly and she put her hand on my shoulder reassuringly before dropping it to her side. "Hey, it's alright. I wouldn't have slept well either way. That stupid mattress is horrible." I nodded. Now that she mentioned it, I did feel several spots where I was sore and stiff. 

 "Well, if you'd gotten here on time, you guys might have been able to get one of the new ones." We both lifted our heads up. 

 "If the school had let us actually know before yesterday, we might have been on time. And honestly, we're early. Anyone else is a latecomer." Natalie laughed quietly at her own joke before taking another sip out of her cup and sighing. "Whether I like this or not, I need to stay awake just a little longer..."I slid my cup over to her, and she frowned, vexed. "Of course, you don't need it, do you? You fell right asleep in my-..." Sarah started laughing uncontrollably. We both glared at her, and she just laughed harder.  

 "I'm just going to leave you guys be. Any more of this sugary sweetness and I might lose my appetite." she stepped out of her booth and wandered into the kitchen. Natalie sighed and slid over closer to me. She put down her coffee cup and her expression became more serious. 

 "Thank god she's finally gone. Any more of her, and I might just burst into flames." I laughed at the look of pure annoyance on her face. She glanced back over to me and her lips pursed into a straight line. "Yeah, it might be fine with you, but she keeps looking at me and you like that, and I don't know if you feel the same way, but it's a little embarrassing." I raised my eyebrow. 

 "Aw, are you saying you don't love me? Here I was thinking we'd sparked something." She blushed and she dropped her eyes. Then a small smile spread across her face, sad, but distant. I didn't quite understand it as she looked at me with flashes of grey swirling around her eyes like miniature stormclouds.  

 "I'm sorry about last night." She stared sadly at me.  

 "It was nothing, really." She stared down at her coffee as a frown appeared on her face. "You really did scare me though." I put my hands down on the table, and my head followed behind them. 

 "I thought that might be the case. I shouldn't have broken down like that." The feeling of euphoria that had been buoying me up slowly deflated, bringing my smile with it. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I'm not normally that way. I just saw you laughing, and..." Natalie wrapped her arm around me.  

 "I know, I'm sorry about your sister." I nodded, the sadness slowly overtaking me, putting me back into my grey cloud I normally lived under. "But you know what, if she can't be here for you, at least I can." She smiled benignly at me, although with the sad look still in her eyes. 

 "You shouldn't have to be. It's my problem after all." Natalie smiled at me as the Grey began to take over her Iris, like a hurricane closing in around the spot of sky blue. She sighed and pulled me up to face her. Something changed in her face as she fixed me to the spot. Sadness and distance fell away, and something old and tired looked through her normally soft eyes. 

 "Madeline, I listened to you last night because I saw the look of someone dying slowly." My breath caught in my throat. "The last time I wasn't there, I lost someone dear to me. So, yes, it is my problem." She brushed a strand of hair from my face. "It wasn't you crying that scared me, Maddie... But... I don't care what happens, I won't let you disappear." Her eyes hardened into solid steel rings, boring through me. My heart froze. That's why... "I've lost one too many." She continued "One too many to not do something." I stopped her with a look that was in equal parts broken and tired. 

 "I couldn't even if I wanted to. Don't think I haven't tried." Her face set into deep lines. She sighed quietly and let go of my shoulder. "Don't look at me like that. It was a long time ago." 

 "Why do you want to disappear? You never told me that." I looked at her sadly. 

 "I don't know." It was the worst lie of all. I was grieving, I was alone, I was pathetic, I was a pitiful excuse for a person. All the more so as Natalie's face cleared a little. She nodded before wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me into another hug. I guiltily embraced her back. I'd seen the look in her eyes. She hadn't believed a single word of it. But she wouldn't push it, and I was appreciative for that. 

 "Well, I'm here for you, and that's got to count for some..." Just then, the door opened and Sarah walked in, carrying two cups. She looked in our direction and froze. The look Natalie was giving her would've chilled the blood of anyone. I almost felt a little guilty as Sarah backed away and back into the kitchen. I could still see her standing, back to the door, in the small slit window. 

 "You really shouldn't do that to the poor girl. She's not trying to do anything, you know." She looked at me and suddenly I was the one who was feeling the full brunt of the glare. 
 
"Do what?" I shrugged and tried to look away. She sighed and slowly the feeling passed. "Sorry. I just... Don't scare me like that please. And, when you're ready to talk, I'm here, Okay?" I nodded and she squeezed me tighter. "I may not have known you long, but It would be a waste to lose you, you know. Who else's going to keep me warm at night?" I blushed at her words, and she loosened up, laughing softly. "That's better." I relaxed a bit. Her arms were soft, and I leaned my head against hers. 

 "I guess, there's not enough room in the bed for three." She laughed quietly. It was a soft sound, relieved and happy, but an underlying sadness I couldn't fully comprehend. I sighed softly. "I'll have to take you up on that sometime." There was a knock on the kitchen door. I laughed as Natalie shouted towards them. 

 "Come In!" I sighed softly at the fact of how oblivious she was.  

 "You must have really scared her, for all of her bravado." Natalie huffed indignantly. 

 "I'm not scary."I rolled my eyes as Sarah carefully peeked out of the door.  

 "Well, you did something to her. This is twice now she's looked like she was marching out into a no-man's land." Natalie and I both laughed quietly to ourselves as Sarah approached the table, cups in hand. "Don't worry," I called to her across the room, "She won't bite. I promise." Sarah shook her head and crossed the final distance to sit down with us. 

 "I swear, for such a cute girl, She can really turn into a real monster. You'd never know of course." She sighed and pushed one of the cups to me. "One milk tea, like you ordered. The Eggs are going to be a while. Me and Dolores were talking and, well, they kind of burned." I couldn't help but laugh at the guilty look plastered on her face. I picked up the tea and took a sip of the milky white liquid. It was actually pretty good. I preferred my tea warm, but it was quite refreshing after the heat of the coffee. Natalie looked at it curiously, and I handed her the glass with a sigh. She took a sip from it and made a satisfied sound. I sighed and placed my head in my hand.  

 "Go ahead, just leave some for me." I motioned with my hand, exasperated, but I couldn't help smiling at the look of bliss on her face as she took another sip. Sarah pulled her cup back protectively. I glanced at her, and She put her hands up.  

 "Don't look at me. This one's mine." I laughed quietly. 

 "Didn't ask for yours." She looked at Natalie, who had already drained half of my cup, and then back at me skeptically. 

 "Well, if you don't get mine, you won't be getting any.  Your sweetheart there is going to drink all of yours." She started to smile but Natalie had once again pinned her, and her smile faltered into a small awkward laugh. "Hehe... Sorry..." Natalie nodded and drank another quarter of the drink before handing it back to me. I nodded appreciatively and took the cup from her. She quietly moved back to where she'd been as Dolores walked in, the smell of burned eggs following her. She carried a plate in each hand, and another balanced precariously on each forearm. Carefully, she walked to the table and held her arms over it. I took the two plates of eggs from her forearms, and she set down the other plates around us. I passed one to Natalie, who gratefully took hers with ravenous hunger in her eyes.  

 "Thank you, Dolores, this is the first thing I've had since a cupcake yesterday." I gagged a little on the bite I'd just taken, remembering the taste of those cupcakes. I shuddered, but thankfully Natalie was much to engrossed with her food to notice. Within several minute intervals, her pile of eggs got lower, and lower, and lower, until she had polished off the whole thing, and was stuck looking forlornly at her plate. I sighed, scraping off some of my eggs onto her plate and she hugged me from the side, causing a slight blush as Dolores mirrored the looks Sarah had been giving us all morning. "You're the best Maddie!" She joyfully exclaimed through a mouthful of food. I could have sworn a small blood vessel had burst somewhere, because rapidly, my cheeks grew warmer and warmer under Dolores' knowing observation. 

 "It's...not like that..." I mumbled slowly, and Dolores' smile grew wider. 

 "I never said anything, sweetie, that's all on you." I buried myself down, finishing my eggs as quickly as possible, and reaching for my coffee cup. I drank a sip of it, enjoying the smoky flavor. It helped me relax, and my blush slowly faded. I looked over at Natalie who, having her food finished already, had begun to drink from her own cup. I looked at my watch to check the time while she was distracted. We still had three hours to go. I sighed and reached into my pocket, pulling out my wallet. 

 "Hey Dolores, thanks for the food. How much is it?" Dolores looked taken aback, and a little hurt. Natalie looked down. "Sorry, but It seems a little rude to take off without paying." Dolores smiled sadly. 

 "Thanks for the thought, but I... I don't start charging people until after classes begin." She quickly flicked her eyes to me. "But don't you go telling everyone that." I smiled ruefully. 

 "Of course not. I wouldn't dare." I laughed a little before standing up and moving out of the booth. I pulled out a twenty out of my pocket and handed it to her. "The eggs and drinks were really good. If you won't charge, then this is a tip." I smiled as sweetly as I could. Natalie scooted out of the booth, but
sneakily finished off my tea. I smiled faintly as she stood up next to me. 

 "It was delicious Dolores. You made my morning." Dolores smiled sadly. 

 "Glad to hear it. I'll see you tomorrow, won't I?" I nodded serenely. 

 "Wouldn't dream of going anywhere else. I don't know about anywhere else." Natalie and I waved goodbye to her as we headed for the door. 

 “Let‘s go explore.” As the words left my mouth, a bright smile lit up Natalie’s face. 
 
“You got it. Come on!” She laughed and dragged me through the door. I couldn’t help but laugh with her as we both tumbled out of the door.