RAPED

I cannot recollect all of the details from when I was raped, but I do know for a fact it all commenced one night when I was seventeen. To this day the smell of pineapple makes me want to throw up. I am aware there is no one else to blame for the abhorrent incident that took place on September 7, except for myself. I put myself there, in that situation.

My friend Chloe from school called me one evening and invited me to go to one of her friend’s house for a couple of drinks. I was so excited but only had about 20 minutes to get ready. So as quickly as I could I straightened my hair, touched up my eye makeup, and then threw on a crop top with a pair of jeans. She came and picked me up at seven o’clock and we were on our way! When we arrived her three friends Danny, Trevor and Connor greeted us at the door with huge smiles. We all walked outside to grab a drink. It was only my third time to ever consume alcohol so Chloe and I decided to start out drinking wine coolers. While sitting in the reclining chairs outside, Danny thought it would be a good idea to go into the hot tub while we drank. We were unprepared so he graciously offered to give us some of his sister’s bathing suits to wear so we could go in with them. We were thrilled the bikinis actually fit us so we grabbed our drinks and anxiously joined the three others. Once in the hot tub the guys started drinking heavily with hard liquor as well as taking several shots of tequila. Chloe and I never had a sip of liquor before, but the guys convinced us once we were buzzed that we should try some. They promised us the mixed drink they would make us would taste sweet. All I tasted was pineapple. For hours we all talked and laughed. I was feeling pretty good. Actually more than good because I was drunk for the first time in my life. It was amazing. Then I stood up. It was then that my world began to spin.

I felt so dizzy. Danny offered to take me inside so I could lay down on the couch until I sobered up a little bit. Chloe stayed outside with the guys. I know she trusted Danny to take care of me and he did. He brought me some of his clothes to change into and covered me up with a blanket. He set some bread and water beside me on the coffee table. He was sweet. Once he was back outside all I wanted to do was go to sleep. Seconds later I nodded off and was exactly where I wanted to be…in a deep sleep.

I briefly woke up to the feeling of being lifted into the air. I knew I was in someone’s arms and I glanced up to notice Trevor was carrying me upstairs. I was too inebriated to understand why on earth he would be moving me from the couch where I was sleeping to a place upstairs. I didn’t even know this guy! After I saw his face I immediately passed out again. I only have two flashbacks from that point on. The first blurred memory I have is barely having the strength to open my eyes. As soon as I was able to, I glanced around but did not recognize my surroundings. I was lying in a strange bed staring at faded purple paint peeling off the wall. Once again, I immediately fell victim to how much alcohol I consumed and passed out. My second faint memory ensued when I was finally able to come to for about thirty seconds. It was just enough time to feel a body on top of me. I pushed with what I thought was all my might but must have been a joke to him. He didn’t even flinch. I still had my arms raised in the air as I said stop. Then I said no. I could feel my eyes burning and growing heavier by the second and for the final time I passed out.

I have no concept of what took place while I was unconscious. However, I do know that I was no longer a virgin. When I woke up the next morning I was completely alone. It looked like someone tried to clean up but obviously did not do succeed at their mission. When I glanced down all I could see was blood. I threw on the clothes Danny gave me so no one else would suspect anything. I ran to Chloe and asked her if she knew who slept where last night. She said no and wanted to go home. We gathered up our belongings and as we headed out the door all three guys said goodbye to us like nothing was wrong. I had my first hangover with the worst pounding headache of my life at that point and felt disgusted with myself. I rushed out of there. Chloe looked concerned but I honestly did not know what to say. I did not think she would believe one of her friends would be capable of such an insolent act. So I abandoned the thought of discussing it with her and we continued our drive back to my house.

The moment I walked into my room I threw Danny’s clothes away and jumped into the shower. As I stood there in disbelief, I watched the dried blood trickle down my legs. I could not believe how sore I was. Even more so, I was in shock and partially still in denial that actually happened to me. I thought that only happened to stupid girls in movies who jumped into bed with the first guy they saw. For me it was the complete opposite. I was the shy girl that only talked to someone if they talked to me first. I had the reputation of being extremely timid which was often mistaken for me being a stuck up bitch from people who never met me before. I think it is funny and pathetic at the same time when people judge others based only on how someone looks. There is no way I could seriously be considered a bitch. I am just quiet.

Over the next year I had no one to talk to about the incident. In a sense I grew even more introverted. I developed major trust issues with people I knew, especially males. I suppressed all my feelings of hatred and anger for over two years before I finally gained enough courage to tell Chloe about my experience that night. I looked straight into her bright blue eyes and poured my heart out about the events which transpired that night. She turned away for a minute and her face abruptly turned gravely pale. Then out of nowhere she looked into my eyes and modestly responded with five famous words; it could have been worse. She was right. At that exact moment I vowed to myself I would never tell another living soul about that night.

          Until now…

September 7 is a date I will never forget.

© 2014 Valerie Lynn. All rights reserved.