The sacrifice (part 1)

Why do we try so hard to thrive? In a world where every step we take we are knocked back 10 more, yet time and time again we get back up and tell ourselves, that if we keep trying we will succeed, that’s how I lived for so long, No matter how many people spat in my face, I would simply wipe it away and keep moving because I knew confronting them would only make my goals that much more difficult to achieve. I did not love or get into relationships I just did what was necessary to keep on going. That was until I met her WE met online on a website for horny people lol well we all get lonely don’t we? Only she wasn’t looking, something about the way she would reply spoke to me told me she was in pain, if anything I am considerate to those genuinely in need. So I sent her a message asking if there was a problem she wanted to talk about, and she told me she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. She was looking to see if it was possible to still fall in love, I was not looking for a relationship, but none the less I talked to her all night until about 8:00 the next day. I got her phone number, but we were both so tired, I knew right away this is what love was, I couldn’t sleep I couldn’t sit still all I could think about was talking to her again, so I called her and got a busy tone, I tried 14 more times that morning each time getting a busy tone, I began to get worried and thought I might be a bit too forward and that she might be hanging up on my calls, or worse what if it was all a lie and she had a boyfriend. So I waited hoping it would be her who would call me back. Sure enough 5 minutes later she did and, she was crying. She said she had been trying to call me all morning but kept getting a busy tone, and she was worried that I was hanging up on her, turns out, we were both so crazy for each other each time we would try to call, our calls were canceling each other out.

When we realized what we had done we both laughed and laughed, I loved her laugh it filled me with such joy, and made me feel at ease. I already wanted to hold her in my arms, I had found the one, the one that made me throw away logic, that I would stand on my head for, it was love at first site, only we had never met. She was 2 states over and I was broke and without a car. So we just spent our time talking, the entire day about friends, family, movies we loved, places we wanted to go, we loved all the same things. It was incredible. Her name was Madeline. She was 18 and I was 20 She made me want to love her; I no longer had the urge to shut myself away from the world. I got a job working for a family friend doing landscaping, making 10 a hour I ad worked before but never for this much, normally it was like 20 dollars for a day’s work, this time I was making 50 a day or more, it was back breaking but every drop of sweat I shed made me know I was closer to her. Eventually I had saved up enough for a bus ticket and a few months in a hotel. I told her I was coming to see her and she was so excited. She could not stop talking about all the things she wanted to do, it was a relief that she never once mentioned sex. I didn’t really want to get into it, I just wanted to love her and wait until we got married. I got on a greyhound bus while on the phone with her, she wanted me to update her every second I was on the bus she wanted to know exactly where I was so she could be there right when I got off it.

Sure enough about halfway through the ride my phone died but when I got off the bus, she was right there waiting for me, she ran up to me so fast she practically glomped me, I lifted her into the air then held her close as I sun in place holding her in my arms, she was so much skinnier than me, she told me I gave the best hugs she had ever felt. She told me she did not want me to stay in a hotel that I should come home with her, I was more than happy to spend every moment of every day with her. So I did, I went home with her. She had a dog, the doggie didn’t like me but she explained Cora did not like men, at all. SO I shouldn’t take it too personally, even when we sat on the couch together, watching an entourage of Disney movies The dog would not leave her side. We cuddled and kissed and made out and yes we had sex right there on the couch, the dog just watched, it was kinky and weird at the same time. She would cling to me so tightly, digging her nails into my back. I didn’t wear a condom, but I don’t think either of us would of minded if she had gotten pregnant because we both wanted this to last forever. She rode me for a while then I her, We both had super natural endurance, we ended up going at it for 7 hours straight. Until we both finally climaxed together, she was a squirter and it was such a mess, I didn’t care it was the best sex I had ever had in my entire life. She clung to me so tight as she began to drink off into sleep from sheer exhaustion, We just laid there naked in each other’s arms, the dog still watching but now she had her head down, at least it was dedicated I had to give it credit. Eventually I picked Madeline up and brought her up to her room, and together we slept for hours and hours. When I woke up the next morning she was already making me French toast which is my all-time favorite breakfast food, with a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch also my favorite, she had to be reading my mind, when I asked how she knew she told me she was just making her favorite meals. She was incredible I was definitely going to marry this woman. In my head she was perfect. We went shipping and I revealed my obsession for penguins, Yea, may sound weird to you but she thought it was so cute. In fact we started talking about getting a penguin together and possibly me never going back home; she wanted me to stay with her. I was more than happy to oblige. It was all so perfect I would have done anything for her; I even found a job mowing people’s lawns. I had made my own business. I was making enough money to take care of her, even though she already seemed to have a lot of money. I didn’t care I had been raised to take care of the people you love. One day while I was out working I got a call saying that she was going to spend the day with her friend Sarah. I texted back okay, I was on my third house of the day, with the houses I worked on, I could on some days do up to 5 houses by myself. I was eager though to get home to her, about half way through the day I began to get the feeling, that something bad was going to happen, and I wanted to get back to the love of my life. So I packed up my gear and headed home. Only when I got home the front door was open, I grabbed a shovel from my truck and ran inside, shouting for her. Begging for her to be ok, I found her at the foot of the steps, her arm twisted and lifeless at her side, she was completely covered in bruises. I cradled her in my arms and begged her to wake up. Her eyes opened and she immediately began to shake. She was having a seizure, she had told me she got them from time to time but never before had I seen her have one. I used my legs to keep her head still while I used my arms to hold down her body while she thrashed. Eventually the seizing stopped and she fell asleep again, I called 911 hoping praying that they hurry up and get here I was terrified. When the ambulance got there the police tried to arrest me since I was the primary suspect but she right away told them it was not me and that she wanted me to ride in the ambulance with her. So I did. She looked so scared and she held my hand so tight it made my knuckles creek.

I promised I would not leave her side. When we got to the hospital they took her away from me, I had to wait in the lobby. I became a nervous wreck pacing back and forth I had no idea what I would do. I promised myself I’d kill whoever did this to her. Eventually the doctor came out and said she wanted to see me, it was here that she told me everything who did it why it happened. She explained that it was the same man who she had ran away from for hurting her in her previous relationship. He raped her, he raped her so badly she had another miscarriage as it turns out she was pregnant and she was planning on telling me when I got home that day, but he punched her in the stomach when he found out she had been seeing me and raped her over and over, she tried to get away so he hand cuffed her to the stair railing and she continued to pull so hard she tore her arm out of the socket and ripped it so, so when he could no longer rape her she beat her over and over causing her brain to swell. Her head was bandaged from them cutting into it to relieve the swelling. After 3 days of sleeping in hospital chairs I was allowed to take her home. Right away I noticed a change in her she’s no longer warm and cheerful, she becomes afraid to leave the house and she never wants me to go to work, so for her I stay I hold her close, or at least until she stops letting me touch her, it gets to a pint that she throws up if I touch her, and at night she would start to beat me up in her sleep due to her nightmares. One of the things about me She always loved was my stories, it ends up being the only thing to help her cope. So whenever she would have a bad dream I would tell her a story, and she would go from shaking and crying in her sleep to smiling and sleeping soundly over time She began to improve, she even wanted me to be able to start working again, but I waited until I was sure she would be ok with me gone during the day. She ended up almost forcing me to leave for work saying I have to work, that it wasn’t fare for me to be stuck inside to take care of her. I tried to argue but she just had a way of winning any argument we could ever have so in the end I went back to work. I took on 2 houses that day so I could make some money but get back home early. I got back home and went inside, Cora greeted me at the door, she was comfortable around me by now but something was wrong, she had blood on her side and when I reached down to see if she was hurt I realized the blood was not her. Behind her was a trail of bloody paw prints leading upstairs, Cora yelped and beckoned for me to follows. She ran up the stairs making sure not to go to fast so I could see where she wanted me to go to. She went into the bathroom and inside was Madeline, she had slit her wrists downward and she was pale and lifeless in a full bath tub. I screamed no NO no why Maddi why? I ran over to her and pulled her out, and tried waking her up. Blood was no longer flowing out of her arm, and the bath water was a dark red. I held her in my arms holding her close to me screaming her name. She was dead in my arms my tears soaked into her blood stained curly hair. I saw in her pocket there was a piece of paper, saying simply that I deserve better. I kissed her cheek, and whispered into her ear that she was my girl and that she was perfect, I begged her please please please come back to me, but she never even stirred. Eventually I managed to still my hands long enough to see the razor that she had used to cut herself, and I began to think. She was a Christian, we believe if you kill yourself you go to hell, Madeline was pure of heart, she did not deserve the punishment she would receive for killing herself. She needed me, she would be suffering in eternal torment and I would not allow that. So in my blood I wrote on the note she left me, give Cora to Sarah, Maddi’s friend. I never looked back or regretted what I had done, I cut my throat I didn’t want it to take long I rested my head on her leg and was quickly choking on my own blood. I began to feel light headed. Then there was blackness.

My vision drifted away from my body and I could see the both of us surrounded by a pool of blood. I felt weightless and I drifted upward toward a light I felt whispering all around me, they were asking something I could not understand. I drifted into a bright white area, and then I heard a voice asking me why I killed myself, if I truly knew the consequences of the actions I had created. I told the voice that I did it because the love of my life took her own life, and even if I never see her again I would do everything I could to conquer hell, so that she may be safe again.

There was an agonizingly long silence that seemed to last for an eternity. Eventually the voice spoke, it told me that Madeline was in fact in hell, being tortured as we spoke, and it explained that I would be sent there too, no matter what I did, I would never see the kingdom of heaven, I told the voice for her, heaven without her is not heaven at all. So I fell, down down I went into to ever darkening blackness, then the air began to grow hot. The air around me glowed with a orange glow, and the sounds of tormented screams surrounded me. In the distance I saw a white light and blacked winged creatures surrounded it screams emanated from the light but I could not see what it was. I was still falling and my eyes could not focus on the light. I ended up hitting the ground with such force that it knocked the wind from me If I had lungs I am sure they would no longer be working. As soon as my body met the ground the hoard of demons were on me. They tore at me ripping flesh from my body, I felt powerless to their onslaught I began to lose sight of my goal, though not for long. I heard her scream, I would know her voice anywere It was so far off, I had to do something to help her, something came over me. I had never felt anything like it before it was like my very body waws reflecting the emotions inside me. I began to scream, not out of fear or pain’ but out of anger I clenched my fists and flexed my entire body and the demons were sent flying back by some unseen force. As they all crashed into the ground around me they exploded into oblivion. I had power, here I could do something I would save her. I began to have hope, that I was not useless, I could save her, I could and would protect her. Madeline I’m coming……