This Summer...

I’ve learned a lot in the past few months, more than I ever would have dreamed I would learn. I’ve grown up a lot, too. I didn’t think it was possible for me to grow up so much more in just a few short months. I didn’t even think there was really much growing left for me to do before I had some real world experience. But I guess there was.
    This summer, I learned that things don’t always go as planned. Sometimes, everything that was planned for the summer, falls apart because someone can’t make a commitment. And sometimes you can get sick. This summer, I was really sick. It was the end of the summer before my illness ever got treated.
    I learned that people make mistakes. Some are bigger than others, but that doesn’t make them any less important. Because even the smallest of mistakes alter what will happen next. Because you spilled that milk, you have to wipe it up instead of jumping right in to eating your cereal. And those few seconds it takes to clean up that milk, could cause your cereal to go soggy. And that soggy cereal could put you in a bad mood and you might say something to someone. And it might hurt them. And maybe that will just be enough to cause them to make a mistake that might haunt them for the rest of their life.
    I learned that people are going to leave. I’ve always known that people do leave sometimes. And I know there aren’t always reasons. But this summer, I learned that people leave because they can’t stand to be here anymore. Sometimes, the depression gets the best of them so they swallow a bottle of pills and leave and entire family behind. And other times, they don’t have to the strength to keep living after their wife of 60 years passes on. Or they can’t fight anymore and their body gives up.
    And I learned that you need to cherish the little moments in life. Sometimes, they’re the only things you have left to hold on to when everything falls apart. Cherish the sound of a baby’s laugh while he chases you around the house with a toy gun screaming, “Die! Die!” And cherish the giggles that slipped past your lips while your new puppy licked your ear. And cherish how nice it felt to just soak up the sun while you sat and read.
    I learned that you have to remember the most insignificant details. Remember the way your nephew smells after a bath, remember that sweet baby smell. And remember snorting water out of your nose when your dad makes an inappropriate joke. Remember the nights you fell asleep easily, because anymore, you stare at the ceiling until you can’t keep your eyes open any longer because you don’t want to be subjected to the nightmares. 
    Oh, and I learned that life isn’t easy after all. In fact, life is pretty hard. And growing up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Instead of partying with your friends and sneaking out to meet your boyfriend, you’re at home in your room. And you’re not even doing anything rebellious. You’re writing books that you hope will open people’s eyes when they read them. Or instead of going to the pool, you’re staying home and doing laundry and cleaning house. You’re turning down doing stupid things with friends because the house is a mess and it’s starting to bug you. And when you stay home alone on Sunday and Thursday nights, you’re not throwing a wild party. You’re folding socks at eleven vacuuming at midnight. And you’re having your own little dance party and giving your dogs a free concert. 
    And I learned that you can change a lot in an entire summer. You can be this girl who doesn’t have to do any studying in order to pass a test. Then things can fall apart and you can find yourself barely passing your classes by the end of the year. And during the summer, you can decide that you want to change who you are. You decide that you’re going to have to start working for those grades in order to get into the college you want. And you finally get contacts. And you begin to lose weight. And the next time people see you, you know they won’t recognize you because you’ve changed that much.
    I’ve also learned that looks can be deceiving. People can mistaken you for someone that you’re not. If you look old enough to have a baby and you’re carrying a baby around, people automatically assume that you’re that baby’s mother. Those twin boys who you’ve gone to church with since you were in kindergarten? Well, they’re going to give you a look and you know they’re thinking, “So that’s why she quit coming to church!” And if you look like you’re old enough to be in college, even if you’re only a junior in high school, people are just going to automatically assume and ask you where you’re going to school.
    I’ve learned that you can find friends in the most unusual places. Friendly people are everywhere and you’ll often find the friendliest people are the weirdest. I found a really close friend through Tumblr this summer. We talk several times a week and we talk about everything. And what makes things easier, is that we both suffer with the consequences from the same mistakes. She’s someone I’ve found that actually relates to me and we rely on each other for so many things. You can even find a friend at the laundry mat where you live. I managed to. Because even if it’s just an old guy who feels the need to tell you his life story or tease you about still being there two hours later, he’s still a friend. Because he cares, at least a little.
    And I learned that the people you think will always be there for you, aren’t going to be there. The people you would have trusted with your life years ago, are going to turn their backs on you. They’re going to act like you don’t exist until they really need something or are just bored. And maybe they don’t mean to do it, but it’s going to hurt either way.
    And finally, I’ve learned that growing up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You can no longer get away with pretending to sleep in the car so you can be carried in. You’re going to learn that money doesn’t grow on trees and you’ll find out that your parents are trying their hardest to support you. And you’ll feel guilty if they spend money on something for you when they really can’t afford it. You’ll learn that growing up means that you can’t act immature or you’ll get judged. 
    So, enjoy being young. Enjoy being able to act immature and just have people brush it off as “normal teenage behavior.” Enjoy not feeling guilty every time your parents buy you something because you don’t know just how short on money they really are. Just enjoy life. Because you know what? YOYO. You’re only young once. Because once you grow up, you can’t get that youth, that immaturity, back.