the last swallow

Do you think, that you don't love your parents, because of history? Do you think that ever? no!
I had a bit of an emotional time, as a child.  I would say, cognitive dissonance now.  I can remember watching televison, and I would probably be only eight or nine.  There was a lot of holocaust films around, films about the second world war.  What people don't realise is, these films made people very rich, in the entertainment industry.  Also as part or recording history for future generations, they were also, if I can put it this way, were there for entertainment.
It never occured to me, as a child, nor any of us, that we were different from anyone else, as we were not.  It wasn't until I was about twelve that I realised my dad actually had a german accent.  If you are exposed to something early in life it becomes invisible.  This is true, with people who wear glasses with me.  I can be asked " did he/she wear glasses ?" and I would not be able to say for sure.   This is the nature of the brain, it dismisses old hat.  My brother had to wear glasses at the age of five, and he was gutted.  He even asked God why he did not have a perfect eye , like other girls and boys, he asked why his eyes were faulty when they were new.  I don't know if he even knows the answer now, and he is 63.  I asked why my brother had a faulty brain and I got an answer,
 " he hasn't, he has a brand new one but has never used it "
but I dare not tell him, he would only be jealious that my direct line works and he is ignored.  Well, my brother had to wear glasses, my father said he didn't have to wear national health glasses, which were two circles he size of old pennies joined in the middle, they were vile. 'Bennny Hill' glasses.  I knew what he would do..my brother did penance and chose the Benny Hills.  He thrashed his forhead with those glasses until he reached pubity when street cred finally kicked his stupid arse into submission, and my dad never did understand why he chose to suffer with the worst glasses on Earth.  But that was because he was angry.
Well, life was pretty normal until the mass onset of all these war films, and The World At War series on the television every Sunday.  My dad used to watch it too.  I think I was watching a film, and it was about a concentration camp, and I went into where my parents were and said there is this awful film on television, and I want you to stop it..(as children do, thinking the tv is now not then)  I want it not to happen.  Well, my dad walked out of the house.  I was really upset, I may have been younger, probably eight.  I  do feel things deeply.  At school the story of The Last Swallow of Summer  greatly disturbed me.  We were told it in a group, about a swallow that beat its heart out telling all the other birds to fly South for the winter, as the cold weather was coming, well this little bird flew all over the village telling all the other birds to make an escape, and sacrificed it's own life saving others.  I was so upset, and mainly because i had foreseen two pages early what would happen to the sweetheart swallow, it was like they had killed my pet dog.  These teachers, come in with their soulful light hearted stories, to impresionable young children and stab them straight in the heart.  I had already learned to keep my mouth shut and cry inside.  I knew then, to look after this little swallow, and not waste time flapping about saving all the other bastards who packed their bags and flew to the South of France. Bastards.
It took me a week, to think things over.  My dad never really spoke about The War until were older, and I don't recall him ever talking to my siblings about it.  He probably realised that I was the sensitive one.  What can you tell an eight year old about war, and governments and laws, and dictatorships when they were already experiencing it in school, who needs another mass indoctrination.  I was not old enough to comprehend it.  I packed it in a suitcase and stored it in the back bedroom to sort out later in life.  
Through the years we watched closely.  I noticed a lot of, anti German media and television.  It seems that, my father was a displaced person.  He had been captured in France by the Americans, who had transported him ( HE WAS 16) on a american war ship to New York.  This was after the battle at Arnhem, which, my dad said he prayed to God to remove him from this madness..he prayed in the middle of battle to take him out..I hope to think that if there is a God, he may have been kind that day to my father as he didn't die, and he is my father and I am glad of that, and there is nothing, not nothing you or anybody can ever say to put my father in a bad light, nothing , he is my father and he did nothing wrong.
  He told us that, they were being torpedoed by the Germans during this crossing, and he said they were praying to God that the Germans were a bad shot.  Lucky for them that they were. Being born in 26, he could have only been 16. as he was a prisoner of war for two years in the USA, in Camp Idaho and Illisnois..Camp Atterby, and another camp.  I have two books made by the inmates.  I have in my life time looked at my own son, aged 16 and I would not blame him for the world he is living in, I would blame ME.. for the state of the world and it's policies.   My father said, on arrival in the Usa, he was put with hardened NATZies, with officers and the like.  They asked him of the homeland, and my father said, being the honest person that he was, " the war is over in Germany " They strung him up, and tried to hang him there and then.  But this didn't happen for some one must have just have had a heart not to kill the boy.  What anger makes people do this..what gets into their brains, their flipping souls for such cruel acts.  He told us later what he saw, in the war.  The vile ways people died, in the shite over there, not this glorified MGM 'Dulce et decorum et pro Patria Moria' ( it is an honour to die for ones country ) He told us of the pain and agony.  He said he carried an american soldier to a medical centre as he was injured, he said, they marched the young lads from Paris to Arnhem in Holland and his socks rotted.  They marched with all the young fodder up the front unarmed, he told his friends that, we are all going to die, the old ones are at the back with guns, we can't go anywhere but forward,, we are all going to die.  But he didn't die, he wasn't the last fucking swallow of Summer, he saw his window and him and a few other young boys bloody well flapped their wings and flew to America, stuff the battle of the Bulge which was next on the agenda.  He saved his own life from the hell he was thrust into.. I am only glad he did not encounter the American equivalent of a blood thirsty war monger and get annihilated for other peoples crimes against humanity.
He told me, of his time in the USA. where he learnt English from the Americans.  They were allowed to work in the Heinz factories, probably canning beans, and in the chicken factories.  They were kept in camps.  He said it was very hot and he got malaria and nearly died, but they treated him and he recovered.  He said the women close by, used to bring cakes to the camp, you may forget, there was a huge population of Germanic immigrants/residents in America.  On the whole, he loved this place.  He did say, one year there was a glut of tortoise , so for a joke they painted SWAS stickers on each shell, and about 5000 German helmets paraded the town that year..funny.  
Never think that I make light of Jewish peoples fate in that awful state.  I blame the governments, all governments for this to happen..and did it teach us anything, on our own doorsteps we have had war.  I will never understand Ireland, what happened with the weapons of mass destruction either.  Tin pot dictators put in to run tin pot while the pewter service gets rich.  The atrocities committed by Germany against mankind ? can they even be forgiven by God ?..It destroyed me, for it to fall on my ears,  but what chance if any do ordinary people have, in the say of what the governments do.. they chose the path, not Joe Blogs on shit street just trying to get by in life.  People and dying now, over government policies, or lack of them, in the Middle East.  .dying like fledgling swallows.
In 46 he was transferred to Canada and sent to England where he ended up in Nottingham at Woolerton hall, which took in prisoners.  He said they were behind bars and local people used to come in, and spit on them.  Cheers for that.  Slightly different from where he had been previous.  These stories have always made me suspicious of mass indoctrination and motivation of people.  It is, my make up, my material my essence.  Even of unions, I  am suspicious, like the last Swallow.  Is it good for you..at some point you may have to not follow everyone else and get killed, you may have to just use a brain cell and opt out before the autonomous  indiscriminate  guillotine chops your bollocks off.
I remember as a child going shopping with my dad.  There was an American Milk Bar in the Woolworths store in Doncaster.  My dad, sat me on a tall bar stool, bought me a hot dog, and a milk shake.  Come to think of it, he loved cowboy films too..it had a big influence on him those two year.., something that saved him in his youth, maybe the sight of the statue of Liberty coming into New York was like being off the Titanic and a start in the real world.