Story -

Twice told toilet tale.

Twice told toilet tale.

     As a young whippersnapper and one precocious lad to boot, I discovered common combustible materials found in the bathroom.
     Window kept open to avoid un--necessary nor accidental asphyxiation.
     After tinkering with various household cleansers and cleaners plus the requisite sphincter byproduct, my aha moment arrived one childhood day that long sought after ka-boom sent a plume of smoke in tandem with geyser of water caused me to feel flush with excitement!
     Waste trill fluttering filled thine heart after mine solid went kerplunk whereby mere seconds elapsed before explosive outcome found me hurled clear across the room like a bat out of hell.
     Fortune for me that this phenomena mimicked how bubbles of air get trapped within our archaic household plumbing then cause this similar volcanic rush of air.
     With haste, these nimble fingers scribbled unintelligible (deliberately illegible to everybody but myself) the chemical romance to light a fire under the buttocks of whomever happened to be in need of emptying their bowels.
     Now, I eagerly waited (albeit with impatience) for that opportune time whereby thee unsuspecting child or adult needed to answer that alimentary call of nature my dear Watson!
     The moment of anticipation arrived when a long forgotten accursed relative visited unexpected, which unannounced rap on the door fueled fanciful notion to whip up potion to promulgate prank within the potty.
     Once necessary ingredients (which secret formula cannot be divulged – well maybe for a negotiable fee) got poured giddy glee generated gloating from head to toe.
     Quick as Jack Nimble, these skinny legs sped away, yet in close activity to the innocent by sitter who nonchalantly ambled into the powder room to tend to private business.
     Right ear cocked against wall that served as barrier between occupant of water closet and yours truly.
     Pleasant barely audible humming bird singing emanated while obnoxious guest of dishonor proceeded to place posterior atop potty.
     Seconds ticked by with every now and again pages of printed material heard in conjunction with abdominal groans and grunts to assist sacrifice to the porcelain goddess.
     Utter stillness suddenly punctuated by the initial sound of a splash into the crapper.
     I cupped hands to mouth lest any unwanted guffaw slip out.
     Instantaneously, our pestilential kooky cousin kissed their ass goodbye as propulsion forced the body politick clear thru the unwelcome ample sized window.
     Goodbye Charlie (pseudonym used here to protect the not so innocent) soon became diminishing shape spiraling toward the horizon!
     One speck of flotsam headed spaceward versus the turgid turd joining brethren into the sewerage cistern.

Written by: Edgar Allan poop

 

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