Unwanted Part 2
Things flying off the shelf, Ā the doors banging my wife an children screaming. That feeling deep down inside spoke up it's coming for us. Then everything just stopped, complete silence. There came a knock at the door, we stood in shock not realizing what was going on or what to do next. Then more knocking I say I think someone is at the door. Kelly goes to answer and I over hear a man exclaiming i'm sorry to bother you but I was one of the owners of this whole block and I really must speak to you about his house. That was when some kinda ray of hope shined into our life I ran to the door and told him hello my name isĀ
Bryce please come in......... He said Rick my name is Rick and he entered.
No News Would Be Better Than This Bad News
As I walked up to the old house I could almost swear I heard a commotion going on inside, fear clawing at me I just about turned away. I gathered every ounce of courage and went up to the door to knock. It was dead silence, I know some ones home all the lights were on. So I knocked harder and the door slowly creaked open. Ā A beautiful woman though she probably looked much more radiant if she didn't appear to be so drained answered the door. I just about became tongue tied but started slowly explaining myself. When I mentioned I was the previous owner and needed to speak with her about the house a man who looked equally drained darted from around the door startling me. He took my hand rapidly shaking it up and down my name is Bryce Walters he said and just about forced me in. Again inside that heavy feeling my mind screaming at me man are you nuts. I cautiously looked around telling them I don't want to take up too much of your time but I have to talk with you it is very important. The man exclaimed that's nonsense take all the time you need you have our attention.
We sat down at the table and Kelly Walters I found out the pretty woman's name to be offered to make coffee. I told them I didn't plan staying long but they both insisted I stay and have a cup it had been a while since they had company and I could tell. I started out asking them if they had been experiencing anything odd. They looked at me strange, I then said let me get to the point I had a bad experience in this house and told them my story. I followed their eyes as they lit and grew wide with what I explained. When I finished I asked you think i'm crazy because my now exwife did. They shook their heads and replied not at all, and that is when Kelly told me a story and Bryce told me about other things too. He said matter of fact right before you knocked things were going crazy in here. I then told them how against this house being sold I was and that I have been tormented for the last year with nightmares and I just had to come check in on your family see if you had any problems and help if I could. I could see some relief in there faces than Kelly broke down to me. Crying oh thank you thank you we have been so scared for the past few months, we have nowhere to go and no one to help or believes us your like an answer to our prayers. That made me feel good but what I explained to them next changed theirs looks back to one of concern.
I needed to know about this house why it harbors such a negative entity. I told them i've been reading paranormal books and spiritual books and even the bible. I went to the library and researched this house what I found was disturbing. The houses were built back in the late 1600s by Irish settlers. By the mid 1700s this one particular house became the place of the unwanted. Where a kind couple had taken in all types of people homeless, orphans, and even people with mental problems. One resident they took in happen to be a man who claimed to be a drifter in search of refuge. His name was Daniel Coleman and the couple being so kind took him in. Daniel was a wanted man who had killed many people from neighboring towns and had devoted himself and his work to the devil. He killed woman and children and made the old couple watch then he killed them. They caught him days later and hung him but all that death happened right here in this house. Then the whole kitchen came alive silverware flew from it's shelves cabinet doors slammed the faucet turned on.Ā
Then that voice came to me it said I knew you would come back. I yelled get your kids were getting out of here.
What Pushes Away Draws Back In
We arrived at my house and I got them in settled putting the kids in the spare bedroom, also setting up the mr. And mrs. On the couch. Me, Bryce, and Kelly talked some more about the house and it's violently evil history. I told them my plan was to help them get rid of the evil that plagues their house. Our first step we can talk to a priest see if he can come bless the house I told them. I will also try and contact paranormal investigators, they provide other help and advice that goes beyond any information i've read in a book.
With everything being said that had to be from each individual we said our goodnights and went to bed.
I must have dreamed almost immediately after falling asleep and it had been a more pleasant one than I have had in quite sometime. I awoke abruptly to screaming that my ears traced to where the children were sleeping. My thoughts were that one must be having a nightmare they had been through so much, but when I listened a little more becoming more coherent there was a difference in that scream one of shear terror and not one that sounds relieved of a nightmare. I put on some pants and ran to the room. Their parents running towards at the same time. The door was closed and locked I yelled get out of the way and bypassed knocking kicking the door in. What I saw scared me unbelievably there was no way in hell.
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Comments
Hi Devon, ok, i have read both parts to to your story, drum roll verdict.
It's a good start and the story is good and has potential but i'm all about the grip and the pace of this is too slow for me however it's written well and you narrate the story on a compelling level. just wish the pace was a bit quicker. story line is there characters are there, they just need individual personalities to bring the story to life. keep going with it and let that imagination of yours run wild. Don't hold back. it's a horror story. fill me with terror, i want to read it and be afraid to leave my bed to use the toilet.Ā
release your inner demon, dig down to your darkest pits and create the most vile creature you can think of then give it a vengeful personality and your story will soarĀ
cheers Jeff hope that helpsĀ
Thanks Jeff. I really appreciate that. It is my first stab at a short story or novella and I tried to do something different just as you did with my delivery but I have to agree, it is a bit plain and I think needs some spice and the release of my inner demon lol. Will take this valuable feedback my friend and go back to work on this. Peace brother.