Wanting too much.

āIām fed up.ā, thatās what people always used to say; everyday was another day when someone was fed up. Iād always wonder what it meant, because whenever it was asked theyād reply āeverythingā. What can be wrong with everything? there was always a specific reason for it, usually a friend had pissed them off, or theirĀ boyfriend or parents or or or etc. I could go on for days, but what happens when you do truly become āfed upā with everything, is that depression or boredom? Is that the feeling when you wake up and the whole world looks grey and thereās a banging in your head telling you to curl back into bed. I donāt know if iām honest.Ā
Sometimes I do get that banging in my head though and it tests my will every time. It makes: moving difficult, thinking hurt and most of all feeling hurt. I wish my life was better a lot of the time, but I understand life has to be hard or it isnāt life. I donāt know what I want to do apart from move away, start again somewhere new, be better. I think iām running away and I know thatās not the best solution, but Iāve decided thatās my only solution, my town drives me insane. I want to make something of myself, you know be great and all that. Iād like to have the world at my feet with a big fancy job in a media company doing something important (I canāt imagine what yet); Disney would be right for me, Iād walk around knowing that I work for one of the biggest corporations in the world.
It would be nice if my life was more romantic; I have a boyfriend who iād like to keep, if I can. But I want FIREWORKS and the feeling of hundred ofĀ butterflies flying round in your stomachĀ when your nervous. I miss being nervous in away itās weird not to be, iām calm in front of him, because he knows me too well. He knows every move or act before I make it. I try to push his buttons; I want to see him out of control, out of his comfort zone, surprise him. He always lets me win though, heās a gentleman like that.
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