What Happened to Me, to Make Me Me

A friend of mine, who was all sunshine and roses, who was ruined and turned away. She started to hurt and I couldn't do anything to help her. She continued wilting until I tried to help. She crumbled, and It is my fault. Now she Is a smile, and no more.

A friend of mine, who thought he was happy, but his family broke apart, and I could only console him. He still talks to me, but We can never really work it out to see each other.

Two friends of mine, who'd found love in one another, Who fell apart because I didn't know how to talk to them right. I wanted to help them, but was too afraid to speak to either of them. Now they both Ignore me. Until I left them behind, Forgotten.

A friend of mine, who thought he owned the world, until it came down around him. I stood back and let him suffer. I learned my lessons from him. I am better because of him. I owe him so much, but he is far away now, And I can't apologize. 

A friend of mine, who was always kind to me, yet I was too blind to see it. I left her behind, and she couldn't live past it. I wept over her death. It was my fault.

A friend of mine, who loved me with all of her heart, yet I, in my blind loyalty to an Ideal, turned her down. She never spoke to me again. I wish I could tell her how much I'd loved her.

A friend of mine, who was nice and kind and sweet, but couldn't talk to anyone but me. I left her behind too. I regret every day I can't see her anymore. She deserved better.

A friend of mine, I still miss her laugh, but I won't hear it again. I left her behind, and wish she would look me in the eye. But she won't.

The Girl who I  thought loved me. We were each others for five years. And then she left me behind, and moved far, far, away, without a single word other than "Its Over". I still can't play some kinds of music because of her. Not without crying.

 The girl who caught me, and tried to make it better, but only drove the stake in deeper. I am happy I knew her, she was very kind to me. But I would much rather we'd never met. 

The girl who found me, and tried to make things better. I though I loved her, but she turned away. I never saw her again, and she refuses to talk to me. I regret telling her and ruining our friendship.

 The girl who I see now. The one who doesn't and will never know why I always want to see her happy, why I want to make her grey clouds go back to sunshine. I hurt her before. And if someone else can make her feel better. I cannot get in their way.

These are only a select few people of the dozens who I've known. But of them, They helped make me who I am. I learned lessons from them, and I've watched three of them die on the inside. I've kneeled by two of them, mourning the losses. I am me because of what I have lost. I am me because of how much I wish I could've helped them.

Is it such a bad thing to want to make people a little happier? So I will smile, until everyone's rainclouds go away. No matter how many tears I can't shed.