When I died

So it was a rainy grimy day in Indiana, I don't remember the actual cave system we were spelunking in, But please know we were spelunking. I was a life scout in troop 418 and we were in a cave system with really deep water, I remember it was so cold that when my head went underwater, I began to sink almost right away, this is because when you enter freezing water your skin releases all of the air bubbles in your skin, turning your entire body into a sinking weight, no matter how hard I paddled or tried to swim up, I could only watch in horror as the surface drifted farther and farther from me. I thought I was going to die, and just as I was about to inhale water, a hand reached down and grabbed me and pulled me to the surface, It was our scout master at the time, and he pulled me to an edge were I could catch my breath, and get used to the temperature.

                He said he needed my help scouting out another tunnel other than him I was the best swimmer in the group, so he was relying on me to assist him. So off we swam down the passage way. By now my body had gotten used to the extreme cold (polar bear club) and we dove under water unsure of when we would next find air. I could see nothing in front of me other than inky blackness, I worried it might be far off so I swam with a quick pace,  I felt something grab my ankle, and realized it was a hand, it was my scout master George, he was pulling me up toward the ceiling. Up there was an air bubble not very big, but large enough for us to catch our breath, he said we should keep going forward find the other end then walk around back to the entrance and let everyone know it’s not safe, I was not able to see the path we took, he had a water proof head lamp so he was behind me on the way to the air hole and he could see debris, so we decided it was not safe for the rest of the group, we worried that if we went back we wouldn’t make it, so we pressed on, it felt like an eternity, my lungs pressed hard inside my chest just for one gulp of air. It had already been 2 minutes, and I could feel my fingertips hurting, I could hear my scout master grunt as his movements caused him pain, he was fighting it too, another minute passed I had no clue I could be conscious for this long while holding my breath we had to reach the other side soon, or we would die, lucky for us it was easy to swim since there was a underwater current, then it happened the worst moment of my entire life, we found the other end only it was blocked by rocks and trees.

Panic ripped through me. We tried to move the debris, but we were too in need of air, and had come too far to push ourselves that much, he shined his light at me and signaled to swim back, I thought to myself maybe I can make it to the air hole, unbeknownst to us one of the dads had also gone through behind us, and thought it wise to wait for us at the air bubble only he used up all the air, I had just barely made it back, to the air hole. I had been underwater for 5 minutes at the time. I think that was a record, the longest I was ever under before that was 2 minutes, I felt like giving up, but not being one to quit I swam ever faster but with each paddle I grew more tired, as the light in my mind faded out, I was fighting against a current, and the tide was changing so it was getting stronger my scout master could only manage by grabbing onto the debris. I could feel my lungs involuntary inhaling I knew I wasn’t long for this world, it hurt at first but only at first, because right after  I felt warm and safe like being bundled up inside of joy, the doctors said when you die your brain pretty much goes on acid and this is what I was feeling, I felt like I was being carried, I felt weightless and safe, I was set down on what felt like a mountain side, when  I opened my eyes there was a rotting cross next to me with crow's on it I looked off into the distance, and saw huge buildings like sky scrapers but they had no windows, there was lots of them they were rust colored, and the air was hot and smelled of iron and sulfur, I know that smell well I grew up near a mill.

I thought to myself I'm dead, holy shit I'm dead, where are all the people suddenly I was no longer on the mountain. I was on a side walk, and I could see them, they were all in rags, some had no clothes at all, they looked purposeless, like their will was gone, I reached down and picked up some of the red dirt, to confirm this was real. It felt like metal shavings, before I could spend any more time in that abysmal place. I heard 1 2 3 being counted out loudly 4 5 6 I felt strange the world grew bright again 7 8 9 suddenly all I saw was white, my brain felt like the first time I got high kind of like my brain taking a massive dump, is the closest I can come to describing it 14 15 16 heard my mom screaming TJ wake up dammit they breathed into me then held me upside down. I could feel again. The water left my lungs as I spurted it out like a fountain; I opened my eyes and asked what happened? Nobody said anything right away, but eventually I found out all I told you and that my scout master left me to keep from dying, and I just kind of floated to the surface on my own. Which is impossible since I was full of water, but that’s what they said, and when I opened my hand I vomited  because I found the metal shavings I had picked up in my dream as well as a fortune cookie piece of paper with one word on it.......change. I dried them out and kept them both in a plastic baggie on my dresser for a while, but one day it kind of disappeared, I didn’t want to end up in a Looney bin so I never told my mom what I had figured she threw away in total, I spent over 8 minutes underwater and, I was dead for a total of 17 minutes. Doctors attribute my survival to the extreme cold temperature, I had been swimming in, it lowered my body temp enough that my brain did not starve of oxygen so that no cells died, in fact as far as everyone knows me dyeing made me sharper than before, and I was already pretty dam smart. I don’t know where I was it didn’t feel hostile but it happened and whether it was a dream or not that fortune cookie freaked me the fuck out.

So it was a rainy grimy day in Indiana, I don't remember the actual cave system we were spelunking in, But please know we were spelunking. I was a life scout in troop 418 and we were in a cave system with really deep water, I remember it was so cold that when my head went underwater, I began to sink almost right away, this is because when you enter freezing water your skin releases all of the air bubbles in your skin, turning your entire body into a sinking weight, no matter how hard I paddled or tried to swim up, I could only watch in horror as the surface drifted farther and farther from me. I thought I was going to die, and just as I was about to inhale water, a hand reached down and grabbed me and pulled me to the surface, It was our scout master at the time, and he pulled me to an edge were I could catch my breath, and get used to the temperature.

                He said he needed my help scouting out another tunnel other than him I was the best swimmer in the group, so he was relying on me to assist him. So off we swam down the passage way. By now my body had gotten used to the extreme cold (polar bear club) and we dove under water unsure of when we would next find air. I could see nothing in front of me other than inky blackness, I worried it might be far off so I swam with a quick pace,  I felt something grab my ankle, and realized it was a hand, it was my scout master George, he was pulling me up toward the ceiling. Up there was an air bubble not very big, but large enough for us to catch our breath, he said we should keep going forward find the other end then walk around back to the entrance and let everyone know it’s not safe, I was not able to see the path we took, he had a water proof head lamp so he was behind me on the way to the air hole and he could see debris, so we decided it was not safe for the rest of the group, we worried that if we went back we wouldn’t make it, so we pressed on, it felt like an eternity, my lungs pressed hard inside my chest just for one gulp of air. It had already been 2 minutes, and I could feel my fingertips hurting, I could hear my scout master grunt as his movements caused him pain, he was fighting it too, another minute passed I had no clue I could be conscious for this long while holding my breath we had to reach the other side soon, or we would die, lucky for us it was easy to swim since there was a underwater current, then it happened the worst moment of my entire life, we found the other end only it was blocked by rocks and trees.

Panic ripped through me. We tried to move the debris, but we were too in need of air, and had come too far to push ourselves that much, he shined his light at me and signaled to swim back, I thought to myself maybe I can make it to the air hole, unbeknownst to us one of the dads had also gone through behind us, and thought it wise to wait for us at the air bubble only he used up all the air, I had just barely made it back, to the air hole. I had been underwater for 5 minutes at the time. I think that was a record, the longest I was ever under before that was 2 minutes, I felt like giving up, but not being one to quit I swam ever faster but with each paddle I grew more tired, as the light in my mind faded out, I was fighting against a current, and the tide was changing so it was getting stronger my scout master could only manage by grabbing onto the debris. I could feel my lungs involuntary inhaling I knew I wasn’t long for this world, it hurt at first but only at first, because right after  I felt warm and safe like being bundled up inside of joy, the doctors said when you die your brain pretty much goes on acid and this is what I was feeling, I felt like I was being carried, I felt weightless and safe, I was set down on what felt like a mountain side, when  I opened my eyes there was a rotting cross next to me with crow's on it I looked off into the distance, and saw huge buildings like sky scrapers but they had no windows, there was lots of them they were rust colored, and the air was hot and smelled of iron and sulfur, I know that smell well I grew up near a mill.

I thought to myself I'm dead, holy shit I'm dead, where are all the people suddenly I was no longer on the mountain. I was on a side walk, and I could see them, they were all in rags, some had no clothes at all, they looked purposeless, like their will was gone, I reached down and picked up some of the red dirt, to confirm this was real. It felt like metal shavings, before I could spend any more time in that abysmal place. I heard 1 2 3 being counted out loudly 4 5 6 I felt strange the world grew bright again 7 8 9 suddenly all I saw was white, my brain felt like the first time I got high kind of like my brain taking a massive dump, is the closest I can come to describing it 14 15 16 heard my mom screaming TJ wake up dammit they breathed into me then held me upside down. I could feel again. The water left my lungs as I spurted it out like a fountain; I opened my eyes and asked what happened? Nobody said anything right away, but eventually I found out all I told you and that my scout master left me to keep from dying, and I just kind of floated to the surface on my own. Which is impossible since I was full of water, but that’s what they said, and when I opened my hand I vomited  because I found the metal shavings I had picked up in my dream as well as a fortune cookie piece of paper with one word on it.......change. I dried them out and kept them both in a plastic baggie on my dresser for a while, but one day it kind of disappeared, I didn’t want to end up in a Looney bin so I never told my mom what I had figured she threw away in total, I spent over 8 minutes underwater and, I was dead for a total of 17 minutes. Doctors attribute my survival to the extreme cold temperature, I had been swimming in, it lowered my body temp enough that my brain did not starve of oxygen so that no cells died, in fact as far as everyone knows me dyeing made me sharper than before, and I was already pretty dam smart. I don’t know where I was it didn’t feel hostile but it happened and whether it was a dream or not that fortune cookie freaked me the fuck out.