body image

I  wish my weight wasn't so important to me. I wish that i could stand up and look at my self in the mirror without finding faults in the way my body looks. I wish that i could be so confident that people wouldn't notice that i care so much, because sometimes my face highlights my feelings and i hate it because i feel like the whole world is staring at me shouting at my face, denting and bruising me with judgmental eyes.  And that's all they are... eyes. I don't hear what their mouths say, because i drown it out. I already know what they say, and i get it in my head that if i beat myself up over it, then i will lose more.

I'm afraid that the more weight i lose, the more i lose myself, my smile and my laughter, the things that i know people love about me. they don't realize though. They don't realize that i'm not happy on the inside. That's what they wish for. They wish to understand.

I don't think wishes can be granted.