Scribbles

Wishes no longer believed,
hatred anger n disbelief,
Sick of being sick,
Sick of trying to better me,
What's the fuxkin point
Why aren't I alright,
What is it gna take now
T'make me accept myself how?
what when why 
All I do is fail n die inside 
Loose weight then comfort eat
Boxing n training active physically
yet cut up lip sniff alot often
Drink alone n to much I'm taken'
meds weed nicotine cocaine 2
alcohol painkillers antibiotics 2
that was just the last few days past 3 days alone to feel sane
Sober isnt good for me,
I show many personalities 
mood swings ranting loud vex
Not settled here n auto flip,
 I ruined all that I have I neglect it
I get high despite the low fits
I've let my self go and I'm fuxked 
I don't wana  b here cse  I'll rot
I ruined it I ruined it all
No man or friend or foe to call
no blame to throw despite woes
no one to blame but me I know!
This is my castle my kingdom
 my failure only as it's my home
despite who has come, stayed 2
In 4 years many av'passed throu
I've have faced many fights 
 dramas I defended wen it right
 defending others from pricks
Forgetting bout my self an risk 
welcomed many kinds ppl in
gave them all I had to give 
a home food a bath clothes too
bail address alibis I'm the fool
im the one who suffered more
I'm the one hated n sore
Fought more men than women 
So fucked up how that is 
like I just asked for this
A life time of judgement hated 2
Rumours flew and abuse 
Run out kingsthorpe sumin sick
Sumin I never even did!
No guidance no one
No answers confused young
Nan I'll and gone away
mum drunk sacked next day, standing between me 
a gang of 15 plus teens
Never once rang the police
never snitchd just her stud b4 me
a lioness protecting her cub
Her standing strong as a mum 
had many faults so what
she kept me n had my back