*dad's lucky dog, given to him
By his Nana in Scotland at the ageĀ
Of nine. Been with him at least
Every five states in Aussie, PeruĀ
China, back to Scotland among
Other places I wouldn't know.
Ā
I was in a workshop a long time ago to learn, I was taught so much, as it's one of my favourite forms of poem.Ā Ā emotion being the biggest factor along with syllable count. š¹Ā
Comments
*dad's lucky dog, given to him
By his Nana in Scotland at the ageĀ
Of nine. Been with him at least
Every five states in Aussie, PeruĀ
China, back to Scotland among
Other places I wouldn't know.
Ā
You have an extra syllable in your first lineĀ
Now I shall give you some visual ideas, know that it is my pleasure to share my love of Senryu with you Rory. 17 syllables on 3 linesĀ
5/7/5Ā Ā
(Yours)Ā
Talisman your whole life; (6)
Take it with you when you die. (7)
But you can't, can you? (5)
(Mine) ExampleĀ
Talisman, beloved (5)
when death comes knocking, he stays (7)
he hasn't been called (5)
See how it works?Ā
Ā
At least I see that I. I couldn't hear it so I guess I didn't see it.Ā
I was in a workshop a long time ago to learn, I was taught so much, as it's one of my favourite forms of poem.Ā Ā emotion being the biggest factor along with syllable count. š¹Ā
You'll always get a vote from me when it comes to animals. Thought it was a real dog first...then I did the maths lol. X
It is after all a Cosmic sentry š¤£