Poem -
Secret love
Water wraps in me a blue
Secret love.
It's what I must congeal in.
Perils cap me like a lid,
Ā
Eyes fast, lids shut.
Couldn't have loathed you like I did
Were it not for love.
Two lead lungs.Ā
Ā
Bring me flowers now.
Bring cold hard cash!
Burying me in the dark.
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Comments
* been trying to finish this one near twenty years. This is the closest I get. Suggestions welcome. Too damn short!
Two lead lungs, love this. The very thought of a secret love has to be for a reason, I've been writing about my first love since I was 17 I'm an expert, let me know what you are hoping to achieve with this that's taken 20 years and I will happily leave you some ideas š”Ā
A double entendre to be sure. Spill with the suggestion already, will ya?
So here's my idea, simply because I love the lead lungs line,Ā
You could finish your poem on the lines of thisĀ
Bring me flowers now
Bring cold hard cash!
Bury me in the dark
For my lead lungs so heavy now
I can no longer breathe.Ā
You're a respectable Poet, that's never to be underestimatedĀ
It is my up most pleasure to try and give ideas to another writer especially when they ask for it. Anything you need just ask. š¹
You don't need suggestions it's perfect as it is. Mysterious with great expression. Only line I might change is the 'cash' line but who am I...x
Dearest M, a man needs stamina. It needs to be finished!
Well for me...it is. Still, I'll watch this space. Hugs x