Imagine 0.2

Just imagine giving someone your all; your everything,
Just to still have that fear of what the next day will bring,
This past year has been nothing but brutal; and hell,
I have gone through SO much being back home;
I have a few untold stories, that I probably should tell,
But who is there to tell when there's no one who will listen?
So I just put my best mask on, and pretend to be oh so smitten,
Trying to please someone, or a whole family that I just don't fit in;
They say in order to get love, you have to love yourself first..?;
but how is that true though, when I get nothing in return;
but I truly do love myself from deep within,
So many things I'd like to get off my chest; 
but I have no clue where to even begin;
I'm not happy being here, I'm not wanted, I'm not needed,
Now I just hibernate and stay in my room;
Because I'm just too exhausted from feeling defeated,
I came here on false hope and false belief;
that anything was going to change,
I want to get out so bad, but I don't understand;
Why is it hurting me so bad, why is it crushing my heart?;
I came here for 1 thing, and every day I just keep getting torn apart,
Is it because I have to live in a place I know I'm just a burden in?
Is it because I have to face people;
Who has been nothing but so cruel to me?
When will this nightmare come to a complete end?
When will I no longer be depressed, and caged, 
No longer having to live in fear, or unnecessary guilt, 
And no longer have the need to pretend?
Living here is like living in fight or flight mode,
Well truthfully I'm not even living, I'm just existing;
As I wake up every day in survival mode;
How do you break the heart of a woman so cold?;
She couldn't care anyway, but just imagine how I must feel;
To live in a place where;
fear, guilt, love, and hatred are extremely real;
But these are my feelings that no one seems to care about;
So how do I continue to keep them locked away?
I feel better coming to my safe place,
Cosmo Funnel, you are my safe space;
You allow me to get everything off my chest and out;
For you have always been there for me; through thick and thin;
You give me the strength to continue and work harder;
Because you are in fact, a place;
filled with people who genuinely do care;
And those people who have helped me through;
Rough and tough times when my life wasn't playing at all, fair;
Imagine having no one else to talk to, or to vent to;
That's why I come to you;
My Cosmo Family, because I know you'll always be there. 

Stephanie A. Davis (Ludwig)
04/09/2025