12AM (pt.1)

I miss you most at midnight
When my brain is running rampant on memories fixed on you
I miss you even more when I accomplish something 
It makes me remember that I cant  tell you

I was fixed on you like the red dot centred on the target 
I was hooked on you more so than any new show or fashion craze 
I wanted you more than I wanted to accept the facts 
You hadn't been home that day or before that or the last 
I miss you 
I see your eyes when I look at him 
And I see our love when I look at them
I see you with her and not me
I feel all the blood rushing to my head 

Every time I think someday..someday I will die
I think of you
I think of how I wanted to die loving you

These small useless things I think at 12AM
I hope you're sleeping
I want you to drunk text me
When the poison bleeds into your veins and pushes out your truths 
I'll be there with my pitcher catching it up straining out the lies
I know you fucking love me
I don't care what your crunched shoulders said
Or the grim line your beautiful mouth made
I watched you sleep
I've seen your lines smoothed out
So draw on a better face if you want to lie to me
I've known your beauty and I've felt your cruelty
How is it that I could still want to kiss the knuckles you bruised when you struck at me
I ask myself these things at 12AM
And I think that if this isn't love then this is hell
You flashed that devil charmed grin and now I'm enslaved
To an incomplete love that you can't  return 
You put me back on the shelf like unwanted goods
I feel like the dented can you kicked now labeled damaged 
That's good right?
Mark me so no one else can want me
I know someone will
Will I want them?
I'll probably still be too busy being something you no longer want me to be
Yours
I was yours
I'm still yours
And I hate that I can't rip myself from you
But I think you've only caught my shadow 
Soon you'll have my dust
I won't stay like this for long 
I am the Queen of Swords
And though my heart now lays forlorn
I am bloody and battle born
You are not the first and you won't be the last
I'll lift my sword another day until I have cleaved away all that is past