47 weeks

It's been a long hard road that's been bestowed upon me. 
I've been clean and sober for 47 weeks and still can't help to feel my future still feels bleak. 
Although it's been a dry hot day, it's raining in my head with no where to go and nothing said. 
Holding on by a thread I crawl back to my bed. 
I'm falling fast again looking at the reckage of my past will I ever learn will this come to mend. 
Two months till my year of completed sobriety and I'm still filled with a life time of anxiety. 
Even though I tried my feelings could never subside at times
Even though having thoughts of suicide. 
I flipped the script of being a convict 8 months down lost my hope and my home 
Even got jumped and broke four bones. 
Will I ever recover,  move on and rediscover new hope find my way and find a new way to Cope with my addiction and get rid of the dope. 
I know I'm complex but I'm keeping my head up to find my success.