A mesh of hidden secrets

This blissful torment has torn
Another page from my book
This battered novel
The saga that is my life 
Where nothing ever came easy
Where hard work never paid off
And pain, conflicting with desire
Kept me on the same path 
In my pigeon coop
Where my beast is caged 
An octagonal soul in a square box 
And the lock 
Is just an idea, a spark 
Something that keeps me going 
I will be someone, someday 
So I'll keep running 
On my little wheel
Hoping that I get noticed 
Hoping that someone sees me
For the real me 
Not their preconceived idea of me

Can anyone see my pain
When they look into my eyes
Do they see the fake scowl
Do they see my real feelings
Or am I a consummate actress
And none can tell
That inside I am like the wind
Never knowing which direction 
My next fake smile will take me

I am real, but I am fake 
I give and give but rarely take 
I am a small fish in a large lake 
I am the person who I hide 
So you can't realise 
The things I keep inside 

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