about my decision

I love my son more than anything I've ever loved before, 
Thats why my decision has me so torn,
These pains and feelings have me so sore,
I'm ticking bomb about ready to explode i must worn,
Not being there for all his first from being an infant to an adult kills me the most, 
Never did i think that i would be going through something this hard,
I wish that this was all a dream and that him and i would wake up at the coast,
No one should ever have to feel so sad,
I pray my son will know that i love him with all that i got in me,
and I will forever have a part of me broken and sad.