Afraid

I realise,
now that I have battled,
I will never be the same,
a distraction will always be needed,
and I will always feel like the world is crashing down,
when in reality,
my day just hasn't gone right,
I will always be afraid of change and hope,
the downfall that comes with hope,
the tears that come with the downfall,
and the pain that I will always fear.
I spent so long,
watching the world,
and hoping not to be seen,
that when they finally saw me,
I collapsed,
trying not to see them,
as they approached,
I grew even more afraid,
what if they saw the depths of me,
the me that I am,
but try not to appear to be,
the me I cannot escape,
the me,
that they always leave.
I'm not afraid,
of the world,
I'm afraid to hurt the world,
and all the people in it,
good people,
bad people,
all the people who should and shouldn't be,
I am afraid to do wrong,
even to those who are,
I'm afraid to hurt all the people,
I'm afraid to hurt them all,
I don't want to damage them,
like I have myself,
so I keep away,
and hide from the world,
that could see me.