All I Want

All I want to do is place the barrel to my head,
And grant the wish to be dead.
All I want to do is place the blade to my wrist
And finally clear the mist
That resonates within my mind
As I fall behind enemy lines
While the gunfire deafens me.
A future isn't something I see.
Happiness isn't something I possess.
And i never get rest.
I'm too busy contemplating life,
I mean, am I doing it right?
My mind is a grenade
With joy hiding in the shade, 
The shade of black resonating,
The shade of black emanating
From broken memories.
And as I fall behind the lines of the enemy,
I reload my gun one last time,
And send a bullet through the back of my mind.