Am i already dead

I'm so unidentified right now
Like a mother ship
Just merely hovering
Not knowing where to land
Or the right destination
To plant the tree of life
Sacrifice my brain cells
Swapped them for seashells
Beside the shorelines
Rainbows are just black and grey
Dust upon the wind
Faded away
What to do
How to get back down
Hovering aimlessly above ground
Completely different day
Completely different sight
But im still afraid of the night
I'm holding on so tight
After all if i let go
It's a long way down
Something somewhere
There must be safe ground
All i see is visionless notes
Without a sound
Contemporary music plays
Within my head
Is this hell or heaven
Am i already dead
The placement of flowers
Across the bed
Maybe its all in my mind
Or maybe today
has a mind of its own
Its just fucked up being alone.