An Admission of Depression

I know this is selfish

But I’m going to be honest

I’m going to fly the nest

Not that I want to admit this

There isn’t a reason to miss

Can death come by a kiss?

It’s not about being good enough

As no one possibly can be

It’s not about times being tough

Because I know it is not just me

I can’t expect you to understand it

This may be the wrong choice

There may be more I choose not to see

It’s only letting me see this choice

Even they don’t get me

How can they when I don’t understand myself

How can I express how I feel

When I don’t know what that is

Debating which will be my last meal

Never having the guts to do what I feel

What me back out again

I’m just going to fail again

It won’t even let me cry out.

This roots from multiple relationship failures

But not those stupid teenage flings

No it’s the two I thought I could fall to

And this pain that’s not just emotional

It’s positively physical

It’s making my mind heavy

My body’s sweaty

Could never be ready

Punishing my mind

Punishing my body

Punishing myself for ruining myself

Ruining us and everything else

Tell me why we must remain in this amount of pain

Always having to contain and never able to complain

But remain strong and entertain in the rain

Be vain while you open a vein.

Please tell them not to say they’ll miss me

Because I won’t be able to miss them

And I’d never miss myself because who is she?

I just want to get some sleep tonight

I don’t want to kick up a fight

I might make the night

Then jump on a flight

And get out of here.