Anxiety

You live inside of me eating parts of my brain leaving me to think the way you want me to, shattering my true thoughts like glass and debris after a tornado through a town, turning my smiles into frowns and optimism into black holes of hopelessness.
My plans to see my friends are controlled by your "what ifs" maybes and my hands becoming shaky then it's "I'm sorry I can't make it" I'm just not feeling up to it,
I want to be invited even though deep down I know I'll hide like a shadow, following happiness that I wish I could feel,
That I instead watch from my window sill. I mean I guess you're not so bad, you've saved me from dangerous situations and held me to the ground. Sort of like gravity, I need you to keep me safe and centered but you keep me down in the way that keeps me from touching the stars in the sky that I wish I could reach. Closing my eyes imagining a beach where I can walk on water and float in mid air breaking all the rules of gravity and physics...wishing you didn't exist but you keep me from completely riding the waves to an unknown place, you keep me thinking smart, but above all else you keep me and happiness apart.
I don't need you to stay as much as I need you to go away.