Anxiety

Crippling, debilitating
All-encompassing
Why must I have this dreadful disease?
Every gift, every look
From a stranger or from my friend
Sends me spiralling into self-doubt
I go to school trying to bat it away
Only for it come back full force
Knocking me off my feet
It makes me sway
I feel alone, alienated
I get asked to give a presentation
Don’t you understand?
This is the presentation!
There is no greater achievement
I am here, despite wishing I was anyway else
Me being here, that is the wonder
 The thing that should get me an A every time
Don’t you understand?
I have anxiety
 
Crippling, debilitating
All-encompassing
It makes me want to cry
Simply Because I heard my name whispered into the crowd
And they all laughed
They are laughing
At me
Why?
What did I do that’s so funny to you?
Please explain
Explain to me why at every turn I get looks and stares
Explain to me why I have to suffer from anxiety
In a world where anxiety is dismissed as attention seeking
Do you understand now?
 
I have anxiety
It is dreadful and painful
But nobody bats an eye at me,
Nor do they allow me to present only to the teacher
They say I’m being an attention seeker
That I don’t have anxiety
That it doesn’t exist.
I’m here to tell you that it does
In the only way I know how
 
I have anxiety
Crippling, debilitating
All-encompassing
Anxiety.
And so do hundreds of other people
I hope you understand now