Poem -
As I Lay
I want you
No
I need you
Soon
As I lay,
In death and sorrow
I need you
Here
I need you
Now
As I lay,
Will I see tomorrow?
I need you
Still
I need you
Please
As I lay,
I beg of you
I need you
More
I need you
Most
As I cry,
A tear or two
I need you
Here
I need you
But
As I lay,
I realize
I need you
Now
But I can’t
Have you
As I lay,
Here all alone
I need you
But
You will not come
As my heart
Slows down
And turns
To stone
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Comments
Cheers, Pseudonymous;
-I found it very interesting and quite ingeniously creative to break up the free verse structure in such a the way you have, as to increase the readers expectations and anxiety, in such a way, to increase and enhance the entertainment experience.
-Each rhyming word was contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm of the enjambment to flow smoothly. The enjambment is actually the vehicle in which the topic is propelled.
-Good demonstratively descriptive imagery with definitive expressiveness that created a uniform emotion.
-Thanks for sharing and take care and have a good one.
Alex