As I Ought (self love)

You stepped lightly through my door,
Opened with gentle hands but tongue like a sabre,
Looked at me with warning eyes that said 'be quiet',
So as not to wake the neighbours.

You turned the lock behind you,
To protect me from the world outside,
Took the key so I couldn't escape,
To all the safety it could provide.

You followed me to the bedroom,
Where it's intended for love to be made,
But every time you got me in there alone,
The façade of your love would wither and fade.

You cannot blame me for not loving you,
When you squeezed it out of my wrists,
Smacked it from my smile,
Sent it flying with your fists.

Every time you left me,
Heaped there on the floor,
I tried to gather back up what I could,
But each time found less to hold on to than I had the time before.

Before you my body was a temple,
Draped in silk and diamonds and gold,
My face meant to be the centre piece,
The beauty that your eyes behold.

But you didn't care to see the beauty,
You tore all the art from my walls,
In their places you painted your own pictures,
Spraying blood and hatred up the walls.

You left me bare and empty,
Not one piece of happiness maintained,
Destroyed all of my great monuments,
So only damage and despair remained.

Instead of picking up my love for you,
This time when you left,
I abandoned the broken pieces of my heart on the floor,
Spread wide; lonely and bereft.

Instead I picked myself up,
I dusted off my poor, bruised knees,
"Let this be the last time now" my head begged my heart,
"I implore you- I plead!"

That was the last time I ever saw you,
In time my wounds will heal,
Stronger by the day and never again
At the feet of a man will I kneel.

What I didn't know back then,
But what I do know now,
Is that this was both a blessing and curse,
Both a gift and a spell.

With every hit, kick and verbal scar,
Each of those fatal love-loss blows,
Drummed into me a new found love-
A love for myself; of my own.

Don't think that I am yours still,
Don't mistake my tears for hurt,
I have slowly but surely bloomed,
While you remain in the dirt; submerged.

I had to go through this,
It was all part of a bigger plan,
The Universe wanted to teach me,
Not to look for my self worth in anothers' hands.

One day a man may come along,
Then again perhaps he’ll not,
But either way I’ll be okay,
For now I love myself; as I ought.