Baby I'm sorry

Baby, I'm sorry
I promised to protect 
And shower you with love
I... And I failed
You came into my life 
Just after my fourteenth birthday
Your daddy a junior 
And mommy just a freshman 
They warned me about him, 
"He's troubled"
"Just a walking heartbreaker"
I didn't listen
And I fell, fell really hard
I let him take me, 
After two weeks of talking
"Forever and ever", 
He whisphered in my ear
Claimed my innocence 
Under the high school blechers 
Two weeks come and go
Your daddy never talked to me
After our passionate love making
I fell sick 
Throwing up here and there
Feeling the burn in the back of my throat as I cough up my lunch
I think about that night 
As I hold a pregnancy test between my hands
I thought i would feel sadness 
As I stare at the blue plus lines
Nine tests sprawl out on the counter
All claiming the same thing 
There was a tiny human inside me

Baby I'm sorry
I told your daddy the next day
He spalt and cursed 
Claiming I cheated
Deciding to move on,
Heartbroken and pregnant 
Your daddy didnt love you
But mommys love will always be enough 

Baby I'm sorry 
I hid you from my mother
She didnt deserve that title
Every curse word in the book
Is what she deserve
Coming and going late at nights
Stripping at a local club
Was her day job
While walking the streets during night
She brought men home
Both young and old
Some of which wanted me
Instead of the witch 
My daddy was nothing 
Just a walking crack head
Only came when he needed money

Baby I'm sorry 
That night SHE found out
I didnt smell the alcohol on her breathe
Her slurred speech was an everyday thing
Coming in furious and upset
She strike me with a empty bottle
The glass shattering on my arms
As I rush to protect my head
Red liquid drips off my arms
This time, it wasn't her drink 
I scream in pain as she continues 
To kick and punch
Curling into a ball
My arms wrap around my belly
Trying, pleading her to stop
Anything to protect you

Baby I'm sorry
By the time I rushed to the ER
They could not do anything to save you
Having to get an emergency c-section 
To deliver a baby
A baby that would not be alive
I begged them to let me hold you
Your purple skin matched the blue blankets you were buddled in
I wished your tiny hands were alive
Wrapped around my fingers 
As you scream for air
Instead you lay still in my arms
I cry as they pry you away from me
A mother being deprived of her child

Baby I'm sorry
Years pass when I meet him
Sitting in the front row of my nursing class
We talk and eventually become one
Who would have been your step dad standing behind me
Your newborn baby sister asleep in my arms
I gently caress her cheeks 
Thinking about you
The life i could have provided you with
The love and protection
Baby boy, mommy is sorry