Back Dye

(Burblings from a not enough sleep, half awake coffee'd mind)

When I've survived
Not one but two at a time
Brain, a-neu-rysms
Returning to full 'nor - mal', heh
What, is my purpose?

To make others laugh?
To make myself laugh?
To help others out?
To learn from continuous gaffs?

To continually fight my self-greed?
To learn from my mistakes?
A continuingly growing bucket list?
Instead of emptying it?

Focus always blurred
How'm I to be reassured?
Scaring others off ...
Not accepting myselve's absurd.

Creating new circles, to wander around in
Fighting with my own, multiple moods
Not accepting exits I provide for myself
Increasing the depths of this self-destructive brood.

My Evereadys are running low
Soon'll no recharge
Mentally dancing to and fro.

A wish for a solution
Denying with self blinded eyes
Paradoxical self-existence
From purple to black, will become my dye?