Barman's Lament

Would you like ice with that madam, a splash of soda with that gin

would you like some nuts with that before Sir comes back on in.

Shall I garnish with an olive perhaps a slice of lemon too

Did you want  the cheese and ham, we have a lovely blue.

Are you all alone today has the gentleman left the room

The markets dropped another cent, its all gloom and doom.

Did you taste the red wine, the wine went down so well

Shall I top you up my dear, madam you look really swell.

Would you like a light dear, perhaps a paper while you wait

Dear please don't hesitate, please don't procrastinate.?

A double vodka now and you want it straight away,

shall I place it on the tab, will that be all today?

Sir has not returned I think he,s done a runner

Shall I call a taxi, goodness its been a jolly good summer.

Is that a tear falling down your cheek, shall I pour you some more

tell me your sad story, whoops careful you're very close to the floor.

No, the floor is not uneven and PLEASE, don't fall of the chair.

'OMG' Oh no, you've  barfed into your hair.

Have a tissue, quickly wipe it up

​Oh gawdd please don't do that don't do it in the cup.

Sorry lovely, I cannot serve you, I think you've had to much already

No I cannot carry you my love, because you are too sodding heavy.

Cant give you a cider, no more wine , no more beer

really you are  in a mood please sit down upon the chair.

The bouncers looking at you now,  he is  looking very cross.

Swallow those dregs down quickly, hurry up here comes the big boss

No, No please don't dance upon the bar and now you've spilt the staff tip jar

Do not take your knickers of its not really all that cool, not nice

​Oh no now you are getting chucked out , why didn't you heed my advice?

Yes Darling I love you too...I hope I see you soon for sure

Wait here, your knickers and your handbag, aspirin for hang over cure

Yes I think you are lovely too, no one can deny that fact

A barman has to exercise  a certain amount of tact.

Oh no the dear is has stumble she is down upon her knees, on all fours,

The night air has hit her...she has really had enough, I ll call a cab

She left enough money on the bar to pick up the tab

Yes dear, what can I get you now, your choice what will it be

Phew.....Oh that is refreshing you would just like a cup of tea