Bathing in broken glass

All I want is some peace and quiet; 
and for these trains to stop running through my head
as I close my eyes and lie here,
bathing in broken glass; 
rubbing the shards into my skin
to watch the blood flow onto the sterile white enamel.

my veins cry outin ecstasy as they are ravaged by the sharpness, 
they open freely,
welcoming the air as it stings
and takes away the noises in my head,
but sometimes they just scream louder and louder,
making my heart race
until the train crashes and I can relax. 

I open the child-proof cap and look inside, 
a mist magically appears before my eyes ,
I see fairies and sprites dance around me,
their wings beating noiselessly; 
and they speak
in a strange language that only I can understand, 
they make me feel warm and kind of perfect, 
for a few short seconds I feel good;
in the knowledge that everything is going to be ok in my feather-pillow world, 
so vulnerable, so fragile, so wonderful, 
so short-lived.

what it all comes down to is that I haven't figured it all out just yet,
but I am still working on it and I'm not quite ready to give up,
so long as the tooth fairy keeps looking under my pillow every night as I dream;
the dreams to keep the bad things away, 
the things that look back at me in the mirror 
with menacing eyes and scars on their faces, 
and the stench is familiar,
it is decay and neglect 
like a gravestone adorned with dying flowers,
the love of a loved one slowly choking ,
gasping for breath
as the head goes limp and turns to dust;
To blow away in the wind to a faraway place
where the vultures carry you to your final destination, 
a place where you can walk barefoot on a razor blades and it feels good, 
the tendons dangle from your feet,
reaching for the clouds in the sky 
who just look down upon you and laugh;
for truly you must be the comedian as everyone and everything laughs at you,
it can be heard in the trees and birdsongs, 
they carry the laughter with them wherever they go,
wherever you go, 
you look around and see pointing fingers, 
accusing, gesturing, ridiculing as you try your best,
you pray for some peace and quiet,
as you bathe in broken glass .