Beauty before me

I know how you feel when your skin

Starts to crawl and those thoughts get louder

And they begin to knaw at your ears and they

Whisper and tell you that you need it,

You cant hide it, as the food sits inside of you

And you fight whether or not to walk down the hall

To your own personal hell behind that stall

I know how you feel when you get on your knees

With your head in the toilet, crying and pleading

It’s the same when I’m bleeding

And those blades they speak to me

Making it easy to deal with the hate

That sits inside while secretly

I’m trying to coax my thoughts into

Thinking differently but it never happens.

So are you surprised when you cant stop the whispers

And they scratch at your flesh like some kind of

Zipper, as you slip that finger down your throat

And pray that this is the last of the

self-loathing but you and I both know

its never really over.

And the months will drag on where

You’ve claimed you’ve been clean but

That bullshit smells and that lie is so mean

That it eats at you, ironically and

There’s something about the seasons

that chronically match up the days

where you can’t kick the craving and your

thoughts start to wonder are you really worth saving?

And it numbs down your body

Destroying your will, making it hard to

Swallow such a big pill.

And your glands start to swell

Your losing your voice

 you cant stop the purging

But you have no choice.

And that’s where your wrong,

And I know that its hard to silence the demons

That deal you the cards and its all in your hands

Whether you want to or not

And yours minds in a whirl

Your stomachs in knots.

So if I could, let me just simplify

Or rather let me just give you my eyes

So you could see what I see

When I stare back at you,

The beauty before me

Begging to break through.