Been Scared

Scared to be alone
Scared to forget who I am
Scared of these lies in my head

I'm terrified and begging
I'm horrified and checking
Begging for everything to be okay
and checking for more lies everyday!

Everyday is the same but
yet different
and I know my heart
isn't truly that lame
but sometimes I forget
what it means to not take blame
for the mistakes that others
have made me claim

And today I look back and see
every single mistake. 
Can you look at me knowing
my heart is barely awake?

Yes, I'll admit I've been scared,
shut my heart out and wanted to 
replace this pain
with an emptyness,
but hey, I'm admitting my 
error in my ways
and stepping up to the plate.

Scared to be loved
Scared to be myself
Scared of the truths I keep finding

I'm terrified and begging
I'm horrified and checking
Begging for everything to be okay
and checking for lies everyday!

Fate twist my mind in such cruel ways
but starting today I will be okay?
What is this light in my face?
Don't matter I'll follow anyway,
I see the exit to this cave

I'm sick of these lies always in my face
My past? It will haunt me in my grave, but please, understand
someday I'll learn to live in today.
In some ways I already am? 
What lies of yesterday?
What hate filled past does my mind
wish to torture me with?

My heart is heavy but thoughts;
oh what things they are;
the true devils at fault!
But none the less they are my own,
a flaw of my own; stubborn little
pieces of evidence that show,
I'll never be what I wish to be. 

Running in circles? Or is it circles anymore? 

Scared to be alone and loved
Scared to lose myself and be myself
Scared of lies and truths I keep finding

But terrified? 
Horrified? 
No, just really tired
But hey, I've gone through hell 
already more then once,
just let me catch a small rest,
then I'll let fate bully me again,
smiling all the way,

because I'm not alone;
Infact I'm very loved
because I did lose myself,
but hey, what I am today ain't bad
because I keep finding lies 
yet still I find a million truths. 

What horrid past?
Let me live for today, just a little bit longer...