Beer

It’s Friday evening and the weekend’s here
I’m heading to the market to get some beer
My wife yells after me, “Be careful, Dear!”
But I can’t get the Chevelle out of first gear
The neighbor looks on with a disapproving sneer
He’s a gastroenterologist, or a Butt Engineer
He’s been living next door for about a year.
So I look both ways and pull out when it’s clear
But at such a slow speed, it’s hard to steer
I can see I won’t make the turn as I try to veer
I cross the road and hit a cop car in the rear
Neighborhood kids on bikes ride by and jeer
“Do you need help?” Butt man asks so cavalier
I’m so embarrassed, I wish I could just disappear
Oh great! Here comes the cop looking so austere
I say, “Yes sir, Officer”, trying to sound sincere
He says, “Stay in the car until I give you the all clear”
It’s hot as Hell in here; my brain is starting to sear
But I do as I’m told; I just have to persevere
He finally comes back and it’s just as I fear
He starts passing me paper like he’s a pamphleteer
A very industrious traffic ticket writing racketeer
I looked at the tickets, but they were unclear
“Just go to the courthouse and pay the cashier”
He is trying to bully me like some kind of domineer
“I gave you a break. It could have been more severe”
But that’s not right. In fact, it sounds kind of queer
There are certain guidelines to which you must adhere
You are not allowed create an oppressive atmosphere
Or I will turn you in and have your badge as a souvenir
So he just tore up all the tickets to save his career
As he drove away, I began to cheer.
I have become an extortion fighting pioneer
Now I’m going to get my beer!
As I drive away still in first gear.