Beer

It was Friday evening and the weekend was here
I was going to the market to get some beer
My wife yelled at me, "Be careful, Dear!”
But I couldn't get the Chevelle out of first gear
The neighbor looked on with a disapproving sneer
A gastroenterologist, he was a Butt Engineer
He’d been living next door for about a year.
So I looked both ways and pulled out when it was clear
But at such a slow speed, it was hard to steer
I couldn't make the turn as I tried to veer
And I hit the parked car right, in the rear
Some kids rode by on their bikes just so they could jeer
“Good job, neighbor,” Butt man said, so cavalier
I was so embarrassed, wished I could just disappear
And then a cop showed up, looking so austere
He said, “Stay in your car until I give you the all clear”
"Yes sir," I said, trying to sound sincere.
It was hot as Hell in that car; my brain started to sear
But I did as I was told; and just tried to persevere
The cop finally came back, as I looked on with fear
And he started passing me paper like he was a pamphleteer
In fact, he was a corrupt, ticket writing racketeer
I glared at the tickets, but they were unclear
He said, “Go to the courthouse. Pay the cashier”
“I gave you a break. It could've been more severe”
He was trying to bully me, trying to domineer.
But it didn't work, because he was kind of queer
Besides, there are guidelines to which cops must adhere
They are not allowed to create an oppressive atmosphere
I said, "I'm gonna sue you and have your badge as a souvenir."
He decided to tear up all the tickets, to save his career
And as he drove away, I began to cheer.
I had become an extortion fighting pioneer!
And so then it was time to go get my beer,
And I slowly drove away, still in first gear.