Berties Gifts To Gertie On The Twelve Days Of Christmas

Inspired By Georgina Richardson

On the first day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie the jitters.  A box arrived that contained all the Grandchildren’s “Letter’s To Santa” that she had asked him to mail a month ago.  It was returned because he had sent it to the “South Pole”.

On the second day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie the willies.  She told him she wanted to lose ten pounds by Christmas, and he went to the race track and lost it betting on the horses.

On the third day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie the creeps.  They went to a mall to buy some Christmas gifts, and he insisted on getting in the line to see Santa Claus, so he could tell him what he wanted.

On the fourth day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie a headache.  She told him to go out and buy a tree, and he came home with a shoe tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie a stomach ache.  She told him to go out and purchase some wrapping paper and he came home with “Saran Wrap”.

On the sixth day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie ulcers.  She told him to polish all the silver, and he did it with “copper cleaner”.

On the seventh day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie embarrassment.  They went out Christmas carolling with friends, and he fell asleep while he was singing.

On the eighth day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie a bad cold.  She told him to go out and shovel the snow from the driveway, and he piled it all on the walkway to the house.

On the ninth day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie the hiccups.  She told him to make a “Snowman” for the Grandchildren, and he built it in the living room.

On the tenth day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie the gout.  She told him to hang eight stockings up for the Grandchildren, and he went up to her lingerie drawer and used four pairs of her favorite silks.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie a royal pain in the ass.  She told him to be sure she was up in time to attend Midnight Mass, and he woke her at two a.m.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Bertie gave Gertie a heart attack.  She had told him to hide all the Grandchildren’s Christmas gifts, but when they got up to set them all under the tree, he couldn’t find them.

Epilogue

The day after Christmas, Gertie told Bertie she was leaving to visit her sister in Cornwall, and she’d see him sometime next year!